Saturday, February 9, 2008

An Important Public Service Announcement

*INSET K. D. Bryan in sensible sweater, sitting in a chair by a roaring fire.*

Hi, there. I'm K. D. Bryan.

There's a threat to online comics blogging happening today - a threat a lot of us refuse to admit exists. We don't talk about it because we're in denial about how dangerous it is. A lot of comics bloggers won't even admit that it's a problem, rationalizing it away as being "cool" or "fun". They'll say things like "Everyone does it!" and "We're just rocking out!" and the problem is this - they're right.

As you may have guessed, I'm talking today about GHRBS - Guitar Hero/Rock Band Syndrome.

GHRBS can happen to any Comics Blogger at any time. Some of our best and brightest comics bloggers have been afflicted with this disease. It's only from their brave examples that that I, too, can admit that I suffer from GHRBS.

*moment of silence*

Just last night I was up until 8 in the morning, socializing with people and learning to play the drums. At one point I was so far gone that I convinced myself I could sing, thanks to two lucky Expert scores on Roxanne and My Sharona. I was only able to stop myself after I foolishly tried to defeat stadium level crowds on Hard settings. How badly I failed, whether or not my band got a PR Firm or not (we totally did) - none of the details of how awesome any of this was matter, really, because it is this blog that suffers . . . like so many other Comics Blogs out there.

*shakes head ruefully*

*change setting to black background, zoom in on my talking head*

GHRBS can afflict anyone with a next-gen game console and an awesome taste in games. Even if a "friend" of yours is the only one suffering, you can be drawn in before you even know it, like a fly in a web. Studies show that GHRBS is a disease that afflicts one in 17 Comics Bloggers - resulting in socialization, being awesome, inflated egos and most terribly, an utter lack of comics blogging. If you are suffering from any of these syndromes, it's best to post about how much Joe Quesada or Dan DiDido make you angry immediately, before the urge to have a social life becomes overwhelming. GHRBS can lead to partying in a hardy manner, 4AM meals at Denny's, increased numbers of friendship with symptoms of good times, and - in extremely advanced cases - public karaoke.

Please, if you suffer from GHRBS, just remember the three S's to keep yourself blogging - Stay at Home, Stay Bitter and Stay Blogging. Otherwise, someone might just enjoy Countdown unironically - and nobody wants that. Nobody.

If any of you need more information on Guitar Hero Rock Band Syndrome or just want to share your life experiences with others, please leave a comment below. Remember, being informed is the first step to combating any awesome disease.



SallyP said...

Hmmmmm...I've HEARD of these "new fangled" video games, but I had no idea that it was invasive!

I've also heard that they make telephones without a cord nowadays.

K. D. Bryan said...

Truly, these awesome social video games are insidious, like . . . like an insidious thing! Young or old, people love to sing and play fake instruments. And don't even get me started on the evils of the interactive Wii Sports! :P

I've also heard that they make telephones without a cord nowadays.

What's all this crazy talk? Next thing you'll be saying my Model T has bags full of air in the driving wheel!