Thursday, March 15, 2012

Vote Red Skull/Arnim Zola in 2012!

As we all know, it has become increasingly clear over the past few months that a divided Republican Party needs a leader. While they all agree that women's rights belong in the hands of men, Obama is an unfit choice for Leader of the Free World and that liberals with agendas need to be stopped, they just can't work together!

Luckily, there's one man who can unite all of these bickering voices under one flag.

Ladies and gentlemen, your newest candidate for the Republican Nomination - The Red Skull!

He cares about the issues!

What about the things they're teaching our children in public schools?

He doesn't need any proof that Obama was born outside of the U.S. to get rid of him!

Where does he stand on abortion, you may ask?

But, as we all know, actions speak louder than words. Right, Republican GOP nominee Schmidt?

Ah, so, so true.

RED SKULL/ARNIM ZOLA 2012 - They have a clear vision for America's future and will stop at NOTHING to achieve it!

(I kid, of course. I know that Republicans would never elect this murderous Nazi supervillain as their leader! He totally had his daughter out of wedlock, after all.)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

DC - Please Continue Publishing Secret Six In Some Format

Hello, everyone. Yes, I know it's been quite some time since I blogged about Comics but life's been a bit crazy, to put it mildly. In any case, I hope you can all forgive me and go take a look at this petition I just created:

I outline just how and why I think Secret Six has been an important, wonderful read - one of DC's best books on the stands. Please sign this petition and keep a great book alive.

Thanks in advance to those who sign!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

3 Thoughts about Dwayne McDuffie.

1. Shortly after I started reading comics, I found a Marvel Mini-Series called Damage Control and fell in love. The characters were 'real life' people in the Marvel Universe - insurance agents, construction workers and office employees who worked common jobs for an uncommon business, i.e. superhero insurance.

I thought I'd read funny comics before, snorting at the occasional Spider-Man wisecrack and having the occasional giggle fit at She-Hulk. Damage Control was the first comic book I ever read that made me laugh so hard that tears came to my eyes.

Dwayne McDuffie's Damage Control was a brilliant corner of the Marvel Universe that found comedy in both superhero lives and menial office work years before either idea became popular grist for comedy, Giffen's Justice League excepted. Construction foremen could shrug off one of their workers arbitrarily gaining cosmic abilities, an intern could be expected to deal with The Thing in a bad mood, The Punisher could be forced to take a number and wait in a waiting room, Wolverine could take a pie to the face, a comptroller could calmly approach Dr. Doom with an overdue bill and expect nothing but pleasantries.

Dwayne McDuffie made me realize that any writer with talent, determination and vision could build their own perfect corner of an established universe and make you think it had always been that way. I will always thank him for opening my young eyes to the greater variety comics could display and for making me laugh myself sick every time I read that book.

2. Several people have talked about Dwayne McDuffie and race in comics more eloquently than I ever could or linked to his own words on the subject of being a black writer in comics.

What stood out for me, however, was the variety, intelligence and confidence of the black characters he wrote. Dwayne McDuffie was writing the black characters he wanted to see in comic books every day of his creative life.

Albert Cleary was an erudite, intelligent comptroller who worked for Damage Control and never wrinkled his suit. The supervillain Thunderball, so often just used as a mindless thug under other writers' pens, revealed the fact that he was a literal rocket scientist and had genial conversations with Damage Control's employees. Static was a great teen character who used his brains to stop menaces with his electromagnetic powers far more often than not, all the while displaying a casual sense of humor and joy at being a superhero. Green Lantern in McDuffie's Justice League cartoon was John Stewart - an ex-military, occasionally gruff but still cool-headed hero who not only fit right in with the most well-known fictional heroes of our times but stood out in contrast to the other 'normal' humans of the group - lighter than Batman but the polar opposite of the flippant Flash.

And as someone who was born out of an interracial union, I loved how casual John Stewart's relationship with Hawkgirl was, how naturally it blossomed. Their dialogue before they kiss for the first time is as follows:

Hawkgirl: "We're . . . so different! I mean, look at us! Just look at us."

Green Lantern: "I see a man . . . and a woman."

And I think that's beautiful.

3. And speaking of the Justice League, we all know Dwayne McDuffie's animation work helped define a generation. That's not even a question.

Both Justice League and Justice League Unlimited defined DC's heroes and villains in broader modern-day popular culture, flourishing under McDuffie's amazing amounts of heart, wit and uncanny understanding of what made these characters tick. He wrote, produced, or story-edited 69 out of the 91 episodes, each of which made me feel like a kid again.

In addition to choosing John Stewart as Green Lantern, he also managed to introduce Vixen, Mr. Terrific, Dr. Light and a wealth of other minority heroes to a new generation - some of whom had never seen cartoon heroes who looked like them onscreen before. Case in point: I heard about a lot of young men and women being livid about the new Green Lantern movie after seeing the trailer. Unlike so many people online, they're not upset because of any technical fanboy gripe but because they'd seen the Justice League cartoon growing up and knew that Green Lantern was a black man, damn it, not Ryan Reynolds. The first time I heard about this, I couldn't help but smile and I hope that Mr. McDuffie heard about it too before he passed away.

While his animated full-length features are notable as well, when I have kids, his Justice League cartoon will be what I use to introduce them to what it means to be a hero. And when they take in Dwayne McDuffie's subtle messages that anyone can be a hero - period - I will be proud and thank him again for all the wonderful, heartfelt work he produced, wrote and helped to bring into this world.

Rest In Peace, Dwayne McDuffie.

You will be sorely missed.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

"That thing that inspires people-" - On "AKA Jessica Jones", Empowered and Joss Whedon

(Bear with me here, as this is sort of a shaggy dog and I haven't blogged in a VERY long time.)

So, I recently heard that one of my favorite comic book series featuring one of my favorite "superheroines" (retired as she was) is hitting the small screen. Jessica Jones, ex-superheroine, Private Investigator, hard-drinking badass who is so much more awesome than she gives herself credit for getting a TV show? My mind was blown. I found it it was going to be called "AKA Jessica Jones" which is fine, as it can't be called "Alias" of course, due to there already being a show called that. I then heard who was making it - the gal who wrote "Twilight" and did some work with the "Birds of Prey" TV Series (and, marginally to her credit, the TV Show Dexter). And it was going to be on ABC rather than a cable network. As another blogger put it "no F-bombs for Jessica [...] is like Batman without his Batarangs". My enthusiasm kinda curdled after hearing all of that.

It's not that Jessica Jones has to be crude to be great. She just has to be herself - refreshingly human, swears and all. This is a character that responds to being saved from drowning by a Norse God with vomiting and swearing, not wonder and alliteration. I hold some slight hope that she'll make the transition intact. There have been great, troubled female characters who fight crime on TV - Sarah Shahi's Detective Dani Reese on "Life" comes to mind just a for example (if you liked the comic book series 52, I highly recommend that show). I just care so much about Jessica Jones' character that she's actually one of my favorite superheroines. She makes my Top 5, easy, both as the messy character she was and as the loving, confident and fierce heroine she has become. And all this thought of "Can they adapt her successfully to a mainstream TV show?" led me to other two other big thoughts.

Thought One: Why do I care so damn much if this show sucks?

Thought Two: What TV Show with a Superheroine would really work the best on Cable?

The answer to the first one was sort of obvious - Jessica Jones is not a cipher. She's portrayed as a human being, one I can empathize with because she not only makes mistakes, she makes mistakes KNOWING that they're mistakes. She drinks, she has self-worth issues, she does the right thing but rarely gives herself enough credit. I see a lot of myself in her and every triumph she painstakingly makes in the course of her series, the redemptive arc she travels, all of it feels celebratory in a personal way I don't get reading Superman or Batman*. She makes an impression and she gets over her worst fear on her own terms. That's important. And when I thought about who else I wanted to get a TV show, one of my other Top 3 Superheroines came to mind - Empowered. And a light went off in my head.

There was a poet who said "the only ones for me are the mad ones". For me, in many ways, the only ones are the struggling ones.**

Jessica Jones and Empowered might not seem to have a lot in common. Jessica Jones is an embittered PI who quits the Superhero gig after a nightmarish experience. Empowered - Elissa Megan Powers - is a superheroine whose often tetchy supersuit leaves her with a D-list reputation but is fanatically determined to rise above it and become an A-lister. One wears street clothes, the other is forced to wear what is essentially a meta-commentary on slutty superheroine outfits. One's full of bitterness that butts against her inner optimism and heroism, while the other's optimism and heroism fights against bitterness that would stop any sane person from trying to do good at all.

Both of them have one thing happen in their first volumes - men don't take them seriously. Their lives are unsavory and unhappy at the start. But later, the same people who dismiss them are much worse off for it.

Jessica Jones gets dismissed by two male cops, grilled by a vindictive police detective, attacked by a man who practically has "manhandle" in his name. Empowered gets trussed up, captured, dismissed as a worthless excuse for a superheroine and damn near believes the hype. At the end of their first arcs, however, Jessica's tracked down the men who thought they could use her to their own ends while Emp has effortlessly saved her new boyfriend from death. Neither win is a clean win done on their own . . . but on the same token neither one of them realizes just how much better, noble and good they are, how much more awesome than they give themselves credit for at the end of their stories. And with each story after that, these women become more self-aware, self-assured and do more good for themselves and others. Best of all? Love, a BFF girlfriend and slow, gradual increases of self-esteem help them along the way. There are obvious differences but I still love them both for putting the "Human" into "Superhuman".

I love characters who both show realistic flaws and grow as people. Women who are complex and have more power than they realize illustrate to people who aren't perfect that they don't have to be Wonder Woman to make the world and themselves better. I would kill for a Jessica Jones show on cable but I'll settle for a show with her on ABC if it's done right. If she's still flawed, human, gutsy, brave and full of bite and strength. But you know who else I'd love to see get the TV series treatment? Empowered. And I would want it to be done by Joss Whedon.

So, why him?

While I know the upcoming Avengers film is his current focus, I think Empowered would be the perfect vehicle for Joss Whedon - one way or the other. I disliked Dollhouse but was never sure if the distasteful premise would have been better if, as Whedon claimed, he got to use it to say things he wanted to say about women being seen and used as sex objects (he has been quoted as saying Fox backed away from the sex and demanded generic action, much to his chagrin). That's the thing about Joss Whedon, tho'. For every complex, contradictory and awesome Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg or River Tam, there's the punishment of damn near every character who seems to have sex or a happy adult relationship. All his fine speeches seem to butt up against a strange cruelty to his characters and an odd streak of tawdriness. Call them Companions, call them Dolls - I call it kinda fishy and off-putting. Even Buffy Season 8 has Dawn being punished for sex across several issues, has Buffy and Angel's frantic coupling result in demons pouring forth to wreak havoc and inflict death. While I have loved Firefly/Serenity, Angel, Astonishing X-Men and many other of his works I honestly want to see Joss Whedon's "Empowered" on a cable network . . . just so he'd have absolutely no excuses and nowhere to hide how he really feels about sex and the women who have it.

Much like Jessica Jones, Empowered is a character who has sex when she feels bad about herself but unlike Jessica, the sex is never demeaning or nihilistic (although one could argue they both use it as "comfort food"). Her boyfriend loves and respects the hell out of her. He was a bad guy, a minion and worse, but meeting Empowered on the job and seeing her genuine earnestness, her heart and determination turned him over to the side of good. Another of her best friends is Ninjette, former Ninja-for-hire also turned to the side of the angels after talking to her. Even a Demonic Galactic Overlord of Kirby-esque dimensions she captures in a belt-shaped device becomes a dear friend via Stockholm Syndrome and teary bonding over DVDs . . . of Buffy Season 5 (among other shows but, well, there you are).

Sure, there's problematic things about Empowered. Unlike Jessica Jones, Empowered is forced to endure being dismissed as sexualized ideal, a blonde in a skimpy superheroine outfit. She has to fight to be taken seriously every time she goes out to try and make the world better. Every woman who's been dismissed as just a face, an ass, a set of breasts, ect while striving to do a job better than her male coworkers can empathize with her. And for all of Joss Whedon's flaws, Buffy Summers was his angry response to the idea that the blonde who has sex and is fun and funny deserves to be murdered for it in the most gruesome way possible. Buffy Summers was a beautiful blonde girl who was also human, heartbreaking and complex. Buffy came from one man seeing the blonde girl who was just a sexy prop designed to be murdered and his getting angry, his saying "No more." Empowered came from Adam Warren being told to draw a prop, a supergirl tied up, bound and helpless, and demanding instead that people see a beautiful, heroic human being with a heart. Jessica Jones' worst nightmare, the thing that drove her away from embracing her power, was being reduced to a servant and prop for a controlling madman. Alias was the story of her coming back from that experience stronger than before, with a raw, angry voice that would not be denied. That was the story Brian Michael Bendis set out to tell with her and it was a necessary story that I felt was amazingly told.

There's a reason I love all of these characters, problems be damned. They're heroines who were created in order to stand up and refuse to be labeled as "just the sexy girl".

This is why I'd love to see Whedon write Empowered. Just to see what would happen. Could Whedon finally write a character who saves the day and still has sex as part of a happy couple? Could he do it without strange, unsavory undercurrents? Lord knows, I think it would be revealing as all hell to find out.

But back to the matter that started all these thoughts - will AKA Jessica Jones be an amazing tour de force or another bland Birds of Prey? I'm hopeful that she'll be every inch as vibrant, as damaged and as wonderful as we know she has been. I'm hopeful that we, as viewers, will be able to be taken on a similar journey where she learns just how powerful she can be and just how much strength she has inside. I don't even need to know she'll be swearing - I just need to trust that she'll still have her own voice - loud, brassy and refusing to be silenced. And every time she wins, we win by proxy.

Whether it's Buffy Summers, Elissa Megan Powers or Jessica Jones, I want to hear a woman stand up and say that it's okay to be human, that you can be imperfect and strong at the same time - even if we need a superheroine vehicle for her to do it.

I want to watch a heroine on that TV screen I can identify with again.


*This is not to say that Batman or Superman are bad characters. I love them both. It's just that they are almost never allowed to be seen as vulnerable, as emotionally open to change.

Superman's the best of us and that's great - that's the way he should be. His relationship with Lois is wonderful and inspiring because it feels like they are equals. Even so, he's almost never portrayed as vulnerable in a way that feels honest or compelling - this nonsense with him walking around the USA, for instance, misses the forest for the trees. He doesn't have to walk amongst humanity - he is humanity. But that's another post entirely.

And as for Batman? I love him to death but decades later and Batman's only let a handful of people into his heart and almost never says "I love you" romantically.

These are things I want to see and to my irritation, outside of Cyclops and a handful of others, I can almost never find a superhero that makes me nod as I watch them open their hearts and figure out what really makes them tick. Just my opinion, of course. Feel free to disagree with me or, even better, list superheroes I may not know about in the comments.

**This isn't to say that I only love damaged characters, just that I find them the most compelling. Taken to the most extreme example, members of the Secret Six or Emma Frost are characters so profoundly broken, for instance, that I exult in every act they make on the side of the angels and love them to pieces. I see my messiness in their messiness and either learn lessons from their strides towards being whole or guiltily relish that I'm not quite as broken.

But on the other side of the coin, I absolutely adore characters that are fully committed to their ethics, themselves and their mission. These men and women who know who they are and make no apologies for it? I love them because they inspire me to be better. Superman, Wonder Woman, Batwoman, Steve Rogers - they are superheroes I love because I want to learn from their example. I want to be able to stand up tall and proud, knowing that who I am has value, that I should not apologize for who I am. And if you feel that I'm contradicting myself here, I'll just pretentiously quote another poet and say that "I contain multitudes". But don't we all?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Batman's Super Important Press Conference!

As you can tell from my regular updates, I've always got my finger on the trembling pulse of Comic Book News. Recently, I've heard a lot of stuff in the news about Batman making an important announcement to The Press, so I looked on YouTube to find out what exactly Batman announced that was so dang amazing (clearly, if it's important, it's GOTTA be on YouTube).

This was my very first result for "Batman Press Conference":

Obviously, this video's nothing more than some silly group's idea of a bad joke. Luckily, I found the real, game-changing Batman Press Conference right here!

Wow. That turned real ugly, real fast. Just plain sad. Maybe he should have held the Press Conference as Bruce Wayne or something. Jeez.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Feed My Frankenstein

So, look, ordinarily I love Chris Sims to death. Dude's straight up awesome. Unfortunately, he has created a Frakenstein made up of superheroes that he has declared "the best monster of all time". Respectfully, I must disagree to the utmost degree. Guns? Fair Play? The man's thinking way too small here.

Let's think about Frankensteins, shall we? What do they fear most? Fire, of course, and villagers with pitchforks. Naturally, then the first step of making an awesome Superhero Frankenstein would be handling the fire issue.

The head of my Superstein would be that of Superman, of course. A smart fellow who also can summon forth gusts of icy Cold Breath. X-Ray and Telescopic Vision would reveal angry mobs ages before they showed up. Additionally, since his head would also have Heat Vision, it may help him come to terms with the inherent pyrophobia.

An invulnerable torso wouldn't suck either. I'd say Colossus' torso (Classic Claremont costume) would be best both for functionality and for style points. Also, all that metal would conduct any life-generating electricity pretty darn well, I'd imagine.

I don't begrudge Mr. Sims for his love of guns - projectile weapons would be wonderful for any Frankenstein. That said, he's a Superstein. As they say in Inception, don't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

Left Arm? The Silver Fucking Surfer's. I imagine blasts of the Power Cosmic would pretty much vaporize an entire village of angry mobs in minutes.

Of course, balance is an issue. Having both arms being projectile-based isn't wise. Somebody might be stupid/lucky enough to get in close. Naturally, we need a close combat option. As a result, the Right Arm? Totally Wolverine's (Orange and Brown costume, please). Unbreakable, regenerates, has huge-ass deadly metal claws (that match the Surfer arm and Colossus torso).

This leaves us the bottom torso and legs of the Superstein. The bottom torso/waist needs to be Batman's, as everyone knows and Catwoman can testify that Batman's always well-equipped below the waist. Yes, my Superstein will have Batman's kickin' Utility Belt to help him break out of laboratories/traps/burning buildings. Why, what were you thinking? Pervs.

Lastly, the Superstein's legs! Sims went for disturbingly sexy instead of practical, but hey, why not both? Jesse Quick A.K.A. Liberty Belle's legs would be perfect. Whether or not you'd go with her impractical new Justice League outfit or her delightfully practical JSA slacks is between you and your God. Personally, I say slacks - more Frankenstein-y. Plus, nifty red boots!

And since Sims had to add facial hair as a piece de resistance, I must cover Superman's face with Tony Stark's trademark Goatee. The Goatee will also designate the Superstein as an Evil Superstein per Alternate Universe Rules, so it will serve a double purpose as both warning and badassery.

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns about how awesome my Superstein would be?

(P. S. If anybody actually drew this, I'd love you forever).

ETA: I am a Bad Nerd and didn't realize that the Frankenstein Challenge had to consist solely of DEAD superheroes (obvious, in hindsight). So, quick changes here before I have to run off to work. May modify later.

Head - The Vision (Intangible or Super Hard, Heat Gem, Smart, Already Kind of A Frankenstein)

Upper Torso - Thunderbird I (Mutant, Invulnerable, bright colors!)

Left Arm - Abin Sur (Green Lantern ring? Check!)

Right Arm - Elongated Man (We've lost claws but gained an ability to tie up villagers with his own arm)

Lower Torso - Nightcrawler (We lose the awesome belt but we gain both a prehensile tail, an ability to teleport and previous familiarity with rampaging villagers)

Legs - Scarlet Spider (We lose the sexy but in death, his ability to walk up walls and nimbly kick people in the face will mean more than he ever did in life.)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Comic Creators For An Extremely Important Cause

So, I haven't used this blog in a while and for those of you wanting more comic book stuff from me, well, learn to cope. This is much, MUCH more important than whatever I think about Superman walking around in the suburbs or whatever the fuck else is going on in comics right now.

Kate Beaton, a funny and fantastic web cartoonist, has been getting attention for a great charity - Women For Women. Essentially, you can either make one-time donations or sponsor her and other women on a run for charity to help other women in the Congo. Women who suffer through atrocities like this (I warn you, clicking on and reading that article may make you as incoherent with fury as it made me for a very long time. I had to go punch the shit out of my bed just to be able to type this post without shaking with rage).

This is a good cause sponsored by good people. Go donate something, however much you can.

Be a real superheroine or superhero to women who desperately need it.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Meme Answers!

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially answering all queries to my Meme! Yes, I'm sure that all two of you who contributed questions are thrilled (as for the rest of you, I'm not mad . . . just disappointed).

The List of Fictional Characters I chose for this has a deliberately high mix of kids and (semi)immortals, just because I thought it was funny.

1.Illyria (from Angel)
2.Yotsuba (from Yotsuba&!)
3.John Crichton (from Farscape)
4.Veronica Mars (from Veronica Mars, duh)
5.Parker (from the delightful 'con artists for the little guy' TV series Leverage)
6.Molly Hayes (from Runaways)
7.Black Widow (Natasha Romanov)
8.Charlie Crews (from Life, which was one of the best cop shows nobody watched - think all the best parts of Vic and Renee from 52 on TeeVee)
9.The 11th Doctor (from Doctor Who)
10.The Thing (from Fantastic Four, 'natch).

Here Goes Something!

Kalinara asks . . .

Dance off! #4 versus #7! What happens?

Veronica Mars versus the Black Widow in a dance off? Hmmmm.

Veronica is spry and resourceful but Natasha was a trained ballet dancer before she got turned into a slinky superspy (if that hasn't been retconned away yet). I'm afraid it'll be all over rather quickly for Veronica, even if she got to pick the music.

And God help her if she ever starts a hopeless, spiteful quest to find something she's better at than Natasha.

#6 misplaced #2's prize pet hamster, how does #2 react? Does #10 exploit the situation?

Molly Hayes misplaces Yotsuba's Prized Pet Hamster? Well, I can tell you how the reading audience would react - DED FROM TEH CUTE. Ahem.

Anyways, Yotsuba would get super-mad at first but eventually come up with an utterly bizarre plan to find said Hamster again. Molly would naturally humor her and do things like lift an entire couch above her head looking for the poor tiny, terrified creature.

As for how The Thing might exploit the situation, I guess he'd ask Valeria and Franklin to go help Molly and Yotsuba look for the hamster so he could have a few minutes peace to watch Sportscenter or something. Given that Valeria's a genius, I don't think he'd imagine it taking long or causing much trouble. Of course, with both Yotsuba and Molly involved, it'll probably result in trips to visit the Inhumans, Asgard and a hilarious explosion that will make poor Ben look terribly negligent as a babysitter.

Oh, and naturally they'll find the poor Hamster, so at least there's that.

Ragnell asks . . .

#5 is pregnant (gender doesn't matter here). Who is the Lamas Coach, and what events make it turn out so that #3 has to deliver the baby?

Dear God. A pregnant Parker. The how of her even getting knocked up boggles me but I think she'd have a very antagonistic relationship with the annoying, nausea-inducing parasite that's making it hard for her to fit through air shafts. Hardison, her always hopeful hacker would-be boyfriend, would try to be the Lamas Coach but I'm thinking that an irritated Elliot would be the one to do the job due to it being primarily in the realm of physicality.

As for why John Crichton would have to deliver the baby, the poor guy's just unlucky enough to be stuck delivering a cranky cat thief's baby. :P

Of course, if aliens hired Parker to steal wormhole tech, I think she'd take the job just to see what sort of security defenses a living spaceship would have and - most importantly - if she could beat them, pregnant and all. Of course, something or someone weird on Moya would trigger her going into labor either due to shock or weird alien flotsam/jetsam triggering things. Even as he shouts for Pilot to send somebody else to help him, with Crichton's luck it'd just be him and 1812 with Parker in a dark room.

Thankfully, Crichton is just enough of a stand-up guy to deliver a stranger's baby, even if she was B&E - he's the last person to be mean to a stowaway. And hey, after helping Aeryn give birth to their own Son on a battlefield, it'll be no sweat for the poor guy.

#9 is found in a locked room with the late Mr. Body, holding a bloody candlestick. Is #9 guilty? Which of the other characters sides with him/her, and which of them insists that the case is open and shut?

Ooh. The 11th Doctor is found in the classic murder weapon-holding locked room crime? And who sides with him? This is a GREAT question, given that he's both a bit of a manic loon and a genius 907-year-old.

I would have to say that, given his firm dedication to pacifism and never taking life, The Doctor would be extremely NOT guilty. He'd most likely have picked up the murder weapon to examine it with his Sonic Screwdriver at the exact moment they opened the door. Mind you, I imagine that the "mystery" of the locked door would be solved by the giant blue time machine in the locked room.

Still, since he's a stranger who has appeared out of nowhere in front of the dead Mr. Body, sides would be quickly drawn.

Yotsuba and Molly would most likely be hustled out of the room by The Thing or Natasha, much to their annoyance. Yotsuba wouldn't get what was happening and Molly would suspect The Doctor but be ignored by the grown-ups.

Parker would ignore both the body and the culprit to try and figure out how somebody got a giant blue box into such a small locked room. She'd inspect the locks and look for air vents/hidden doors while everyone else was interrogating The Doctor, eventually interrupting in a very annoyed way to ask about the stupid blue box.

Black Widow has killed and knows what a killer looks like - I don't think she'd see malice in The Doctor after just one good stare down.

And if Natasha gives him a free pass, it'd be good enough for The Thing, even if he wouldn't understand what was going on (guy rarely thinks the worst of anybody). Given Reed and Doom's shenanigans, it's probable The Doctor's met Ben before but he wouldn't remember him due to how The Doctor has a whole new face. He'd probably just confuse Ben by bringing up past history and have other people demanding to speak with him first before he could explain to Ben, unfortunately.

The only actual cop in the room, Charlie Crews, would cheerfully get Zen and focus on the odd details instead of the obvious stuff and try to go into the TARDIS, just like Parker. All the weirdness and his good sense of people would put him on The Doctor's side as well.

John Crichton's deserved paranoia might make him draw on The Doctor for a good long while (I imagine Charlie Crews would draw on him in return until he sees Crichton is holding a 'toy gun'). He'd make him drop the candlestick but I think he'd eventually come around to the babbling loon's side, given how much hanging with Stark taught him how to speak crazy. He may still get annoyed, mind you, when The Doctor breaks his laser pistol by pointing a Sonic Screwdriver at it and telling him "you're better than that."

Veronica Mars would initially block the door with Crichton and be extremely suspicious of everyone there. A cop's daughter, she'd insist that nobody but Charlie Crews touch anything and get irritated with everyone there who just ignore her and start moving about the room. She'd try to figure out who had a motive for both killing Mr. Body and framing The Doctor for it and start interrogating everyone but The Doctor in subtle ways. Natasha would think she's just adorable and should be outside with Molly and Yotsuba. Her condescension (from Veronica's POV) would make her immediately think Natasha was the killer (of course, she could be right - who the hell knows what Mr. Body was up to?).

Illyria, meanwhile, would put exactly nobody at ease by casually lifting The Doctor up by the throat while slapping away anybody stupid enough to point a gun at her. I think she'd put him down so he could speak at some point and decide he isn't the killer (but still be the only one in the room to make The Doctor extremely nervous). She'd also determine the length of time Mr. Body had been dead from how warm the corpse was - just by staring at it for a few seconds. She'd also figure out The Doctor was a time-traveller in a similar manner (I imagine that even if she can't manipulate time anymore, she'd still be sensitive to space-time anomalies) and that the blue box was his vehicle. I imagine she'd solve everything more or less by making blunt statements that lead everyone else in the room toward epiphanies, assuming the believe the creepy-as-fuck blue-haired woman. He'd have to explain to her exactly what he is and therefore put most of the room at ease when he tells them he's a friendly time-traveling alien (except for Charlie and Veronica of course, who would assume that he's crazy).

And what with this being a Doctor Who adventure, it's likely that the "human" Mr. Body actually killed the innocent alien posing as a candlestick to survive. Doctor Who was trying to give it alien mouth-to-mouth or something when everyone burst in. Mr. Body pops up and is revealed to be either another kind of alien or faking his death, only for Natasha, Crichton and Charlie to put him/it square in their crosshairs . . . and/or Illyria or Ben to punch him/it out cold.

The 11th Doctor would immediately relax and then make several excuses to leave at that point so nobody would try to steal his time machine. He'd tell Ben to tell Reed hello (and Ben would finally place the guy from whatever random incarnation he'd met the FF before in, albeit with a different face), let slip Yotsuba would grow up to be a Head of State and remind Crichton he's a scientist deep-down and cluck at him that he should really stop pointing his gun at strangers.

. . . and then he'd be deeply annoyed when he realizes that both Parker and Molly Hayes have slipped on board behind him when he left.

#6 and #2 wake up in the Village from the Prisoner. The #2 from the Village insists that #2 be called #8, and #6 be called #6. How do they escape? Do they work together or turn on each other?

Molly Hayes and Yotsuba having yet another wacky adventure? Somehow, I would never, ever imagined a kid-version of The Prisoner. This is why I love these kinds of memes! XD

Yotsuba would stubbornly insist that her name is Yotsuba, not #8 or 'Charlie Crews', whichever thing Village #2 called her and demand to see her family or friends. Eventually, she might start to cry. Molly Hayes would also say screw you to anybody trying to call her #6 and stand with Yotsuba against all the stupid number people. I assume they've already stolen her trademark hat and put her in a stupid black and white suit, so she'd be ticked enough to already be glowy-eyed and superstrong.

In the end, the Machiavellian mind-fucks of The Village would be really no match for Yotsuba's crazy-kid logic and Molly's house-tossing/white balloon popping tantrums. I don't think they would escape, so much as I think they'd be the first two residents #2 would openly beg to leave The Village (possibly weeping as he does so).

Friday, May 14, 2010

Lazy comics blogger is lazy A.K.A. Stealing Kalinara's Meme Again

It's been too long since I've done any writing on this blog, so I shall steal the same delightful meme from Kalinara that I often do to amuse myself and all of you, my five loyal readers.

The meme, in her words,

"You know the rules: I think of ten characters, you ask me questions like: if #1 and #8 have a karaoke contest, who wins?

We all have fun!

Contribute your questions below!"

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Your Comic Book Personal Advice Of The Week