ITEM! Kristen Bell Marries Chewbacca!

Now, I usually leave this sort of celebrity gossip and commentary for sites like Defamer (a high-quality site, I assure you)but I just thought you'd all be interested to know about this exciting new celebrity couple. How did Chewbarsten start, you might ask?

Friends say that the Wookie - already having surprised everybody in Tinseltown by ignoring his novel-based death to start appearing in guest spots on such shows as Ghost Whisperer, 24 and a two-parter on Grey's Anatomy - already had a crush on the petite actress. So when the talented star of Forgetting Sarah Marshall , Veronica Mars, and the upcoming Veronica Mars movie reportedly met Chewbacca while slumming it in wretched hives of scum and villainy, it was no surprise to anyone that sparks flew. Before you could say Kessel Run, the two took off to Vegas and got married!

"What can I say?" giggled a grinning Bell, "It was just love at first sight. He asked me to play pool and I just had to let the Wookie win."

"EYYYYYRRRRAAARRRRGGGG! WAAAAAUUUURRRRRRNNNNNNN!" joked Chewbacca to Entertainment Tonight.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" added Chewbacca, playfully putting his lady love in a headlock on the red carpet for her new film, Fanboys - a film which has already caused controversy on the Internet, much to everyone's shock and dismay.

Bell and Chewbacca seemed in too high spirits tonight to care about the whinging of nerds on the Internet, however, Bell's cheeks pink with glee as her Wookie lover continued to give her carotid artery a cheeky squeeze.

"EEUUUUURRRRRRUUUUU! RRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!" added Chewbacca with a big, toothy grin.


"Baby? Chewby? Chewby, baby, I- I can't breathe!" Bell said in response to further questions from reporters about the ceremony, their whirlwind romance and any future baby plans. "Seriously! Let . . . go . . . now . . . honey . . . I'm . . . passing . . ."

Ha! Adorable! It seems that Chewbarsten sure loves playing their cards close to their vest - or weird silver ammo belt as the case may be. Even so, The LookOut will keep all you faithful viewers updated on this hot, happening Hollywood Romance from their birds-eye view of LA in Colorado and at great personal risk to themselves! Because that's just how The LookOut rolls.*

BONUS VIDEO CONTENT!





*If forced to apply a geeky label, The LookOut is actually more of a Browncoat, a Dwarfer or a Scaper than a Star Wars fan but hey, those really doesn't work for the joke.

My Irrational Theories for TEH FUTURE OF COMICS

COMIC: All-Star Superman

IRRATIONAL THEORIES: The series will culminate in a battle in the afterlife between Lex Luthor and Superman. Luthor, with assistance from his Goth teen wunderkind sidekick, is deliberately allowing himself to be executed at the exact time Superman dies so he can take over and reanimate Superman's corpse with his mind. This will be done using some kind of superscience that resembles magic. Superman is completely unprepared for this afterlife assault but his dead father, Jonathan Kent, upsets Luthor's plans by chipping in to help his son.

The series will end with Superman vanquishing Luthor forever and having a daughter with Lois Lane. That, or there's going to be a big reset button pushed.

COMIC: Final Crisis

IRRATIONAL THEORIES: Everybody's gonna die at least twice. Martian Manhunter will be kept dead, despite his awesome potential and love of Oreos.

Also, a cameo will occur by Gleep the Monkey. Blink and you'll miss it!

COMIC: The End of Whedon's Astonishing X-Men

IRRATIONAL THEORY: Piotr's choice of words about Kitty in the newest Uncanny can only mean one thing - Kitty Pryde is now the Phoenix. She called on it to save Earth from the Giant Bullet and is now traveling around the galaxy with Lockheed, who she's done up Silver Surfer-style to be her lil' herald/buddy. Rachel Summers, Alex and Lorna are her back-up team and together, they fight (Interstellar) crime. Expect the new title, Space X-Men, in 2009. At this point in time, this will be the only X-title in which teenagers are not told to kill people in cold blood, so I think I'll really enjoy it.

Also, Ord and Danger will escape custody, rent a one-room apartment together in L.A. and try to break into the acting business - with hilarious results!

COMIC: Secret Invasion

IRRATIONAL THEORIES: Aunt May's gonna have Skrull Jarvis' baby at the tender age of 82, due to the miraculous wonders of Skrull fertility drugs. I will cry at how beautiful all of it is . . . as will a thankful Peter Parker who will welcome his half-Skrull lil' brother with open arms. His name will be Russell and he will weigh 8 lbs. and 7 ounces, with a full head of hair.

Meanwhile, the Skrulls will explain how they hid from magic, telepaths and advanced technology by revealing a captive Rom SpaceKnight, the real non-Skrull Razorback, a bunch of dissected Dire Wraiths, a case of Aqua Velvet and a pair of rusty jumper cables. The issue will carry a MAX label warning on the cover.

Agent Brand of S.W.O.R.D. will explain to the people in charge of her agency that she had no real reason to invite the acting head of a rival intelligence agency into her HQ . . . other than a snide, petty plan to have everyone point and laugh at the grown man who answers to the name "Dum-Dum" and keeps a handlebar mustache at the age of 52 in this, the year of our Lord, 2008. Alternatively, she will try to explain away his presence by saying that everybody thought he was the guy who played Capt. Stottlemeyer on TV's Monk and they all wanted autographs. The shadowy folks in charge of S.W.O.R.D. will believe this because they are all HUGE Monk fans.

COMIC: Manhunter

IRRATIONAL THEORIES: Canceled at issue 37, in spite of gorgeous Gaydos art and well-thought-out writing. Restarted again in five months after fan outrage with a new number 1, massive promotion, and surprise writer Tom DeFalco taking over the helm.

Lasts 100 more issues until it gets relaunched yet again as Manhunter and Martian, a theoretically touching story about Manhunter getting to know her new foster daughter, Miss Martian. Manhunter and Martian will be written by Chuck Austen, drawn by Greg Land and canceled after 2 issues.

COMIC: Blue Beetle

IRRATIONAL THEORIES: Blue Beetle will become DC's top-selling comic book after his appearance on the animated show The Brave and The Bold. Beetle-mania will sweep the nation. Small children will wear Blue Beetle costumes for Halloween. Large fanboys who should know better will wear Blue Beetle costumes for SDCC. Fangirls of all sizes will demand and then wear t-shirts featuring his iconographic visage. Blue Beetle will become the first DC comic to be released in both English, Spanish and Chinese within the continental USA. Blue Beetle will go down in history as the most amazing comeback of a struggling book in the history of comics. A copy of Blue Beetle #1 will sell for 1.2 million dollars at auction in 2098.

And around issue #200, we'll see a very special issue of Blue Beetle that will have him confronting Misfit about her drug addiction. We will all subsequently learn something about ourselves.

A brief note on a new title from Joss Whedon

Hey, have you guys seen this preview for a brand-new Marvel series from Joss Whedon called "Runaways"?



I'm always happy to see new work from Whedon but what's with this "#30" business? Some kind of surreal marketing tactic like Booster Gold #0? I think it's kinda crazy for him to start this "in media res" but I guess it worked out pretty well for his Angel Season 6 series. Still, from the preview pages, this looks pretty complex for new readers to just jump into. Who are all these Victorian moppets and time-traveling mutants? I do like the art, even if I have no idea who these characters are. I especially like the look of this "Nico" character - very original design!

Speaking of the characters - a Skrull? This better not be one of those stupid Secret Invasion crossovers. Plus, another lesbian couple - wow, what a surprise from Joss Whedon. I love your devotion to GLBA stuff, sir, but c'mon, isn't it high time you create a male couple in love? I mean, really.

Still, these "Runaways" seem pretty unique and fun as a whole. This "Molly" character in particular seems like a riot. At least people can't accuse him of riffing on Buffy again with these guys.

So, are any of you going to give this new title a try? I know I am!

One More Day . . . IN SONG! Plus, a serious PS.

I said I wouldn't blog about this but c'mon. At this point, I've seen people sharing their thoughts on OMD in blog form. I've seen them sharing their thoughts OMD in Photoshop Form and in comic spoof form. I've even seen them sharing their thoughts through the inexpert use of Fire.

But you know what I haven't seen? I haven't seen anybody share their thoughts in song! So here goes nothing. These two gentlemen will introduce you to the tune -


Now that you know the tune - sing along!


Hold On (Past Brand New Day)

I know this twist (I know this twist)
Why do you lock yourself up in your hold list?
No one can change Marvel except for you
Don't ever let Joey Q. step all over you
Just close up your wallet and your mind
Isn't it so cool to bitch this way online?

So One More Day's gone and made you want to turn around and say goodbye
Until then fanboy are you going to let them make continuity go awry?
Don't you know?
Don't you know things will change
Things'll go away
If you hold on past Brand New Day
Can you hold on past Brand New Day
Things'll go away
Hold on past Brand New Day

You could complain
Or are you addicted to all the pain?
You've got Quesada to blame for your unhappiness
Oh, baby! "It's magic, we don't have to explain this!"
Letting your e-mails pass him by
Do you really think your blog's going to change his mind?
(No, noooo!)

So One More Day's gone and made you want to turn around and say goodbye
Until then fanboy are you going to let them make continuity go awry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things will change
Things'll go away
If you hold on past Brand New Day
Can you hold on past Brand New Day?
Things'll go away (just four more years and they'll go away)
Hold on past Brand New Day

I know that you're in pain
But you hold on
past Brand New Day and
Act like you're insane
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you
hold on past Brand New Day
and you
Act like, act like you are insane

So One More Day's gone and made you want to turn around and say goodbye
Until then fanboy are you going to let them make continuity go awry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things will change
Things'll go away
If you hold on past Brand New Day
Hoooooooooold ooooooooooooon

Don't you know things will change
Things'll go away
If you hold on past Brand New Day
Can you hold on?
HOLD ON!



PS. On a more serious note, ladies and gents, I lived through the Spider clones and Aunt May's fake death. I stopped buying Spider titles after that and held to my guns until the creation of Ultimate Spider-Man. Still, don't go by my crazy example. This too, will pass, my fanpeople. It's insulting and completely ridiculous but trust me - it'll pass. Plus, I like Dan Slott and feel bad for him right now. This is like some terrible Monkey's Paw thing where his innocent lifelong wish to write Spider-Man was granted by the devil or something.
. . . ooh, situational irony.

If all of you are still p.o'ed - show me. Get off your duffs, really get out there and protest! I double dog dare all of you grouchy bloggers to start picketing outside Marvel's offices . . . dressed as Spider-Man and MJ in her classic Wedding Dress. You heard me.

Even if there's just two guys or two girls - hell, especially if there's just two guys or two girls - that'll make the news. Failing that, please show up to every convention you can in pairs, wearing Spidey & MJ Wedding outfits. It'll be both romantic, a powerful statement and a way to dissolve the stereotype that girls don't read comics - all at the same time!

Seriously, people. Actions speak louder than photoshop, fire or idiotic song parodies.