Confessions of a sick fan

Since I haven't really had the funds to hit my LCS as of late (and I'm up late/early with a cold), I thought I'd just put out a few confessions of mine about comics I already bought and read & those I plan to read.

CONFESSION 1: I have not enjoyed Kathy Immonen's run on Runaways

In the course of trashing a few new books, The Hurting mentions that they think Immonen had a lot to fix from Whedon's lateness-plagued run and Terry Moore's somewhat unfocused run on Runaways.

Now, let's be fair here. I thought Moore's run was lackluster at best but he left her with the kids in a safehouse in California, minus a few members of the previous cast. Even with a new addition who was a plant-controlling mutant time-traveler, it wasn't like they'd all been transformed into middle-aged Cyborg Zebras and stranded on Mars in the year 2525 or something. So, how did she then chose to start her run? Immonen starts out with the random killing of the iconic dinosaur portion of the team and blowing up their Malibu base. I mean, seriously? Why not just burn all of Molly Hayes' hats while you're at it? This is the team that non-comic readers recognize as the one with the Goth Chick, the little girl in the funny hat, the other ones and the dinosaur. Sheesh.

She then followed that up with a second issue that was comprised almost entirely of people yelling at one another while sitting in rubble. Fun! I have no idea why anybody wouldn't immediately fall in love with this wacky comic about teens with superpowers.

I have to admit that I didn't even follow my traditional "3 issues to be fair about it" rule because I'm damn poor and I don't like to waste money on things that don't make me happy. It hurt because this is an all-female team writing and drawing a book about a team lead by a teenage girl (with Molly "Always Awesome" Hayes). Also, I liked that Hellcat series a whole lot and they hinted Gert was coming back, so I definitely wanted to like this book. I wanted to like this book so bad that the cognitive dissonance from hating it kind of gave me an ice cream headache.

What I'm saying here is that, while I wasn't the biggest fan of their runs either, I don't think it's entirely fair to lay all the blame at Terry Moore and Joss Whedon's feet for Runaways not shining as brightly as it could.

Whew. Glad I got that out there.

CONFESSION 2: After nearly two decades reading comics, I still have very little idea who about 2/3'ds of the JSA are.

This doesn't stop me from loving the holy crap out of Eric Trautmann's tense, well-plotted JSA Vs. Kobra mini-series or Palmiotti and Conner's fun, excellent and ongoing Power Girl series. And yes, I know, Wikipedia is my friend. I'm just lazy and have enough vague knowledge about all their personalities and powers from various crossovers to be satisfied. For instance, Bell Girl and her husband Hoodie Man find a corpse! Freckles McWhirlwind is horrified! And so on and so forth.

In seriousness, the fact that they're spinning them off into two books now instead of one makes a lot of sense because as near as I can gather, there's 42 members on the team. If the JSA teamed up with the X-Men, I think they'd outnumber the population of Nebraska.

Also, if they really did kill off Mr. Terrific like I've been hearing from folks, this Checkmate fan's gonna be more than a little ticked off. I'm just sayin'.

CONFESSION 3: Planetary #27 finally coming out makes me happy.

No real addition to that one. I mean, I could be a whiny fanboy about it, but hell, I'm just happy it's finally here. I'm going to save up five bucks, track it down and buy the crap out of this one, just for completion's sake, if nothing else. I just hope that, after all these years, the art in it is rather astonishing.

*cough*

Sorry.

Flown The Coop

So, I usually like to keep things light and fluffy here at The LookOut and only talk about things that make me happy. That said, I just gotta let out a rant.

I hated the ending to Birds of Prey. Whether or not it was editorially mandated or not, it blew. I've always been of the school of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" but some things just irk me until I can't keep quiet.

You see, I have this bad habit. I tend to analyze stories on their own merit. As a strict literary critic, it is a fine habit. As a bad deconstructionist and someone who doesn't always agree to the social contract that a comic book in a superhero universe is never, ever entirely it's own series - well, it drives me batshit nuts. Let's say I wrote a novel about two women who each have problems. One has a bad habit of dating cocky, blonde jerks (I'm not deliberately trashing Green Arrow here - that is one of the problems Dinah herself states at the beginning of the series). The other has issues stemming from an attack on her life that left her physically handicapped. One reaches out to the other to regain her feeling of power and ability to restore justice to the world. The other accepts her friendship and learns more about herself as a result. They both improve as people along the way and their circle of friends grow. Now, I would think the natural ending for such a story would be to have the outgoing character lead her introverted friend into a more comfortable space, filling her with confidence. The other half of that story would naturally dovetail into the more outgoing character becoming aware of her flaws and finding the confidence to live her life alone and only choosing to take a life partner if she feels that person is worthy.

That is not even remotely how this story ended.

Birds of Prey was a story, at it's core, about women making names for themselves and owning their own power. They acted with agency, competency and drive. They did so with joy in their hearts. And now, the series has just ended with Barbara Gordon dissolving her own team and leaving the care of a minor to someone else - all via a Dear John Letter. 127 issues and we get to see the main female lead end things, not in triumph, but awash in self-doubt, self-pity and just before running away.

To have a series devoted to such capable heroines - one that has lasted over 100 issues in a market that has not always been favorable to superheroines and even spawned a (mostly terrible) live action series - dissolved in a way that has Oracle berating herself and throwing in the towel, well, it's more than insulting. It's bad storytelling.

So why do I have such a bug up my nose, you might ask? Some back story for the uninitiated, first. Birds of Prey started with two characters - Barbara Gordon and Dinah Lance a.k.a. Oracle and Black Canary. Both were female characters who had supporting roles in the books of male superheroes. Black Canary was Green Arrow's girlfriend and Oracle was the Batfamily and the Justice League's hub of information. In BoP, each of these characters was given a place to shine and to grow. While Chuck Dixon was more than a bit guilty of making Black Canary a trifle flghty, he created a space where Barbara and Dinah could be the stars instead of the sidekicks.



In fairness, I didn't start reading Birds of Prey under Dixon. I read the trades, enjoyed them but felt like it was missing something. Cue Gail Simone. Her run, possibly because it was finally two female characters actually being written by a woman, felt alive, interesting and authentic in ways Dixon's did not. There's a quote I quite like from Gail Simone, the writer whom I took to following the book for because I love her work -

"Birds of Prey got a reputation for scraping the barnacles off of a lot of characters, which I find very flattering. [...] One amusing thing is, we managed to do fifty issues without a single serious romantic plot of any seriousness. I'm actually pretty tickled about that, as that seems to be the first thing writers think of when writing women - "Who is she in love with?" The Birds can stand on their own in that regard."

Simone wrote Dinah as fighting her way into being the equal of Lady Shiva - one of the DCU's greatest martial artists, on par with Batman. She wrote her as having enough control over her sonic abilities to shatter a billiard ball in a person's fist without breaking their fingers. She wrote Barbara as a woman who could always fend for herself but surrounded herself with friends who mattered. Who, in taking in Lady Blackhawk, Huntress and Misfit, made a team a family. More than anything, this became a book where women supported each other and superheroines had a place to shine. Just check out this exchange between Canary and Huntress to see how tender Simone's run could get.



And Oracle, quite simply, kicked ass. This was an Oracle who'd carved out a niche in the DCU and shined as one of it's stars. The Birds of Prey became a team as important in their own right as the Justice League or Teen Titans. When Simone had a villainess appear to forcibly take over Oracle's team - to remove her agency - Oracle called in everyone who owed her a favor and it looked a little like this:



Gives me shivers every time I see it.

And now? Now, Dinah is the "co-star" of Green Arrow/Black Canary. She's married to Green Arrow, the man who got her hand in marriage by faking her adopted daughter's death and lying to her about it. The man who, in a recent issue of Green Arrow/Black Canary, demonstrated his respect for her by shocking her unconscious before going to do things himself.



Not to mention the fun plot wherein Dinah was so sloppy that she needed help defeating someone hand to hand, then stopped him with a sonic cry that deafened an innocent bystander. Yeah, that's just terrific respect for the character and her abilities.

On the Oracle side of things, we now get an Oracle mini-series to follow up the underwhelming ending to Birds of Prey. I won't even start on how obnoxious it is for Oracle to have abandoned Misfit, a girl clearly in need of supervision and care, because that would lead me down Cassandra Cain Drive to Rantypants Road. Let's just say that the former team leader and heart of the Birds of Prey now toils alone in a crappy apartment with the promise of a cure for her paralysis dangled in front of her (scroll down here for several far more salient reviews of Oracle: The Cure).



A lot of people have been saying that this story will lead to Barbara Gordon becoming Batgirl again, which I'm sorry, does not strike me as a step up. As Oracle, she was a team leader, a woman who called the shots. I don't think this character needs to reclaim anything by becoming a girl again.

Here's a fun question - exactly how many appearances did Green Arrow have in Birds of Prey? Ever? And how many times did Batman ever appear? I ask because, after reading 50-plus issues of Simone's run, I don't remember Green Arrow doing much of fuck-all. And I remember the one time Batman appeared, he got told off by everyone for being a prick and then subsequently thanked for not being a prick once he stopped trying to run the Birds of Prey himself.



Please understand that, for somebody who read Birds of Prey - and only Birds of Prey - having Black Canary shipped off to be married to Green Arrow felt like a crazy random plot twist. It was like reading fifty issues of Batman only to have Alfred say "Hey, I'm in love with Martha Kent and we're moving to space now, KTHNXBYE." Yes, I get it. I'm being unfair by, heaven forfend, judging the series on it's own merits. There's history. There's continuity! They wanted to respect the longterm, hardcore DC fans who've followed the Black Canary/Green Arrow relationship for decades. The problem is not that they wanted to do that. It's how they did it and how they're continuing to do it. If they did it in a way that was organic and spun out the story in Birds of Prey naturally, I'd be all for it. If they were writing Black Canary at the same level Simone did, I'd be happy as a clam. They didn't and they aren't. If they're going to write a book about Black Canary and Green Arrow as a married couple, it should be a book that treats them as equal partners, not one constantly having to be incompetent to make the other look good. Hell, I still think that if they wanted Green Arrow to win Black Canary back, they should have had him do it in her title as well as his. That's called a partnership and I think it was something that the character of Black Canary, strengthened by Simone as she was, had earned.

Hey, I know I'm talking like a crazy entitled fan here and I apologize. These are not my characters and I have no real right to demand they be written any which way. The thing is, I give out my Simone trades of BoP to non-comic book readers to encourage them to enjoy comic books. I see BoP trades in the teen sections of my local library, where young girls are reading them. It's a story of how Oracle took back her power and showed Canary just how much she could take back hers and seriously? That's awesome. So when I see this story ending with one of them being married off to a guy who's acting like a jerk and the other one left full of self-doubt and confusion, it feels like a betrayal. Not just a betrayal of the characters' own arcs but moreover of the principles on which the book itself was formed. And that makes me angry and more than a little sad.



Anyways, I think I've ranted enough for one night. Here's hoping that both characters end up more awesome than they are currently being portrayed. And failing that, let's hope that Lady Blackhawk, Huntress and all the good work previous writers have done on the title doesn't get forgotten, ignored or, heaven help us, fridged away*.

*Seriously, guys, I will go all Chris Crocker if anything happens to Lady BlackHawk or Huntress. Of course, to be brutally honest, I wouldn't mind it too terribly if something bad happened to Misfit. Sorry.

Something we can all agree on (hopefully)

Look - whether you love Scans Daily or hate them, can we all agree on one thing to come out this nerdy nightmare of arguments and yelling?

Call me old-fashioned but it is never, ever appropriate to tell someone to "Die In A Fire".

Go to hell, bite me, suck a donkey's placenta, you FAIL at life - all fine. Be angry on the Internet all you want, if you must, but at least realize that the real people you're talking about may have really bad real life associations with fires and people dying in them*. There's more than a few comic book creators and comic book fans who would agree with me on that score. Yeah, I know that trying to get folks to behave like civilized adults on "Teh Interwebs" is like herding cats. Still, if this gets people to donate to help comic book people in need - even if only to prove that we comic fans are not all angry jerks with poor taste in invective - at least something good will have come out of all this freakin' drama.

*Not to mention that there's a little thing called "Critiquing the work, not the creator", but hey, I wouldn't want to talk crazy or anything.

And with that, I think I've used up my amount of pretentious "Someone is WRONG on the Internet" snark. Anyways, hope all's well on your end and I hope to have something more substantial than this up soon.

We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties

Deepest apologies to those of you expecting my much-delayed St. Valentine's post yesterday - my comp's been acting . . . whimsical. I hope to get things sorted out and the quality posts y'all deserve up soon.

ITEM! Kristen Bell Marries Chewbacca!

Now, I usually leave this sort of celebrity gossip and commentary for sites like Defamer (a high-quality site, I assure you)but I just thought you'd all be interested to know about this exciting new celebrity couple. How did Chewbarsten start, you might ask?

Friends say that the Wookie - already having surprised everybody in Tinseltown by ignoring his novel-based death to start appearing in guest spots on such shows as Ghost Whisperer, 24 and a two-parter on Grey's Anatomy - already had a crush on the petite actress. So when the talented star of Forgetting Sarah Marshall , Veronica Mars, and the upcoming Veronica Mars movie reportedly met Chewbacca while slumming it in wretched hives of scum and villainy, it was no surprise to anyone that sparks flew. Before you could say Kessel Run, the two took off to Vegas and got married!

"What can I say?" giggled a grinning Bell, "It was just love at first sight. He asked me to play pool and I just had to let the Wookie win."

"EYYYYYRRRRAAARRRRGGGG! WAAAAAUUUURRRRRRNNNNNNN!" joked Chewbacca to Entertainment Tonight.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" added Chewbacca, playfully putting his lady love in a headlock on the red carpet for her new film, Fanboys - a film which has already caused controversy on the Internet, much to everyone's shock and dismay.

Bell and Chewbacca seemed in too high spirits tonight to care about the whinging of nerds on the Internet, however, Bell's cheeks pink with glee as her Wookie lover continued to give her carotid artery a cheeky squeeze.

"EEUUUUURRRRRRUUUUU! RRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!" added Chewbacca with a big, toothy grin.


"Baby? Chewby? Chewby, baby, I- I can't breathe!" Bell said in response to further questions from reporters about the ceremony, their whirlwind romance and any future baby plans. "Seriously! Let . . . go . . . now . . . honey . . . I'm . . . passing . . ."

Ha! Adorable! It seems that Chewbarsten sure loves playing their cards close to their vest - or weird silver ammo belt as the case may be. Even so, The LookOut will keep all you faithful viewers updated on this hot, happening Hollywood Romance from their birds-eye view of LA in Colorado and at great personal risk to themselves! Because that's just how The LookOut rolls.*

BONUS VIDEO CONTENT!





*If forced to apply a geeky label, The LookOut is actually more of a Browncoat, a Dwarfer or a Scaper than a Star Wars fan but hey, those really doesn't work for the joke.

Late to the party but still worth talking about

I'm probably the last person posting this but there's some serious thoughts on a big problem within ComicCon here. Well worth a read. I seriously hope it spawns an online petition to add something to the ComicCon bylaws to respond to sexual harassment.

The actions described upset me on a variety of levels. I'm furious for the women who were harassed and I'm also incensed by the way these "men" seemed to think that their behavior is somehow acceptable. Is it naive of me to say that I'd hoped - nay, prayed - that we were beyond this? That men at a comic book convention were cool enough and God, grown-up enough to not act like disgusting, entitled cavemen? Any woman who enjoys comics and participates in the comic book industry shouldn't have to deal with a swarm of jackasses living up to the "Immature, Misogynstic Mouthbreather" cliche. A part of me wants to go off on a multitude of angry tangents but I'll rein myself in as much as I can.

The worst part is that I make a genuine effort to think the best of comic book fans (which is, admittedly, not always an easy thing to do sometimes). I try to focus exclusively on the positive parts of this industry that make me happy and show all the good we're capable of achieving. I want to believe that the assholes described in this post are the exception and not the rule. I want to believe that, as a whole, comic book fans of any gender are fun, pleasant and generally awesome people. Call me naive, but I like to think that comics - especially the superhero comics SDCC tends to focus on - are mostly about inspiring people to have a sense of wonder, to implore people to hope and, most of all, to treat those who are different from you a little nicer. If these male comic book fans can't understand the most basic precept of treating another human being with the exact same dignity they'd expect from a total stranger after reading tale after tale where people fight for justice and equality, I have to wonder - what questions should we be asking? Has the superhero comic book industry failed to instill a sense of real, potent equality between the sexes in it's fans? Or does the only real failure fall at the feet of these "men" who just aren't paying attention to the basic laws of human decency?

I'm sorry if this is rant-y and possibly over the top but I tend to take this sort of thing personally. Every asshat who behaves like this at a comic book convention tars the reputation of every other genuinely decent guy at the Con. If I'm going to be attending SDCC next year, I don't think it's asking too much for a standard of behavior, ethics and respect in my fellow attendees. Jesus Christ, this depresses me.

A Dramatic Re-Enactment

Today, the part of K. D. Bryan will be played by Batman

in


K. D. BRYAN LEARNS MORE ABOUT "SECRET INVASION"

K. D. Bryan sits at his computer, scowling.

Enter Internet, stage left -


THE INTERNET: Hey! Hey! HEY! Hey, K. D.! How you doin', my man! You lovin' the CRAP out of SECRET INVASION! 'Cause I sure am! Seriously, brah - whaaaaaazzup?!?

K. D. BRYAN:


THE INTERNET: Dude! Harsh! Chill, bro! I just wanted to share some SWEET NEWS about Secret Invasion with you! Didja know Secret Invasion's gonna last 8 Whole Months?!? EIGHT! That's the rest of THIS ENTIRE YEAR! Isn't that AWESOME?!? I bet you'll have tons and tons of fun guessing who's a Skrull . . . for another eight months! AWESOME like TV'S BLOSSOM! Amiright buddy or amiright?!?

K. D. BRYAN:


THE INTERNET: Aw, don't be like that, ya big baby! I know what'll cheer you up - X-Factor! You Loooove X-Factor, don't ya? Noir! Mutants! And no more of that SUH-WEET Messiah Complex Crossover making you bitch and moan! Even if they did shunt off one of your fave characters into some wacky alternate future, X-Factor's still one of your favorite books on the stand, right? Right? RIGHT?

K. D. BRYAN:


THE INTERNET: Well, hold on to your hat, True Believer - because now X-Factor's gonna be Chockfulla SKRULLS! SKRULL-FACTOR AHOY! You may have been a big old stupidhead when it came to getting "down" with Messiah Complex but Sweet Christmas! It's CROSSOVER TIME ALL OVER AGAIN! And I know how you love CROSSOVERS!

K. D. BRYAN:


THE INTERNET: Seriously, bro - how freakin' AWESOME is it going to be when one of your fave Marvel books gets made EVEN BETTER . . . WITH SWEET SKRULLICIOUSNESS?!? Plus, She-Hulk - you know, that book you've been thinking about dropping like some kinda crazy idiot - crosses over! With her NEW BFF - JAZINDA, the IMMORTAL SKRULL! C'mon, man, what's more NOIR than AN IMMORTAL SKRULL?!?


K. D. BRYAN:


THE INTERNET: . . . Aw, c'mon, Brah! Don't be such a Gloomy Gus! You better start to LOVE the Skrulls, m'man . . . 'cause THE SKRULLS ARE EVERYWHERE! This is gonna be ALL OVER the Internet, CAPTAIN BROMERICA! You can buy nothin' but DC . . . but you can't hide from This 100% BAD-ASS SKRULLTASTICNESS!
SKRULLS 24/7, Baby!

FOR!

8!

STRAIGHT!

MONTHS!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

K. D. BRYAN:



Finis.

Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Fanboys?

From everybody's favorite guy, Mr. Joe Quesada, over at a Marvel MySpace page, in response to the questions, comments and concerns of his readers:

Joe Quesada on the "reversal of reality" caused by "the 'net":

JQ: A strange occurrence that also happens on the ’net is an almost "reversal of reality." It’s like people switch around the 2-D characters with the 3-D people. I totally understand that there are times when fans aren’t happy with a storyline, or how a character is treated or portrayed. That’s completely cool, and voicing an opinion on that is appreciated and necessary. But what’s always strange to me is when someone comes to the defense of a character as if they are a three-dimensional, flesh-and-blood person; with feelings and family and all the trappings of a real life. These people sometimes speak to or speak of creators and editors as though we are two-dimensional villains on the comics page, twirling our mustaches, plotting some insane demise for a character, all for the express purpose of pissing them off. Which of course doesn’t make any sense to me. Does anyone honestly believe that anyone here at Marvel is trying to destroy characters or the universe? Last I looked, this is how we make our living and feed out families. More than anything, this is the "distortion" the net causes.

Fair enough. Certainly something worth discussing. Of course, they're all doing what they feel is best - by only writing and publishing stories that they think people will want to read. That's an undeniable fact.

But I now post this second quote, which might end up being important, if just for purposes of irony later. Call it a hunch.

12. From Edward
I didn’t really like how the One More Day storyline ended, but I do like Brand New Day. Now Marvel has this massive new storyline called Secret Invasion coming up, so why didn’t you make MJ a Skrull?

This would have ended Peter and MJ’s marriage, because she would have been a Skrull since the marriage. I know this story is similar to what happened Johnny Storm in the FF, but I just find it hard to believe that Mephisto would be interested in Peter and MJ’s love.

JQ: Edward, yeah, for starters it’s exactly the story of how Johnny Storm’s marriage situation was resolved, but even moreso, it meant that for all these years you were reading the story of Peter and the Skrull. It just seemed like a huge cheat to be honest with you, and also once you open up that can of worms, what’s to keep you from doing that with every little problem within the Marvel U? [emphasis Mine]




*takes deep breath*

*exhales loudly*

Sooooooooooo . . . yeah.

While I wholeheartedly agree that rabid fanboyism is neither attractive or sane (says the guy poised to type up an exhaustive bio on Emma Frost), lazy storytelling is also something I really don't much care for. And I hate to break it to you, Mr. Quesada, but "A Deal with the Devil" really isn't that far removed from "Alien Impostor", in terms of pure cheese ex machina.

Your thoughts, ladies and gentlemen?

Maybe I'm just getting old and cranky

Okay, so yeah - Secret Invasion. Skrulls replacing Marvel heroes. Having done so for decades, apparently. Spooooooooky. *eye roll* Putting aside the violent "First Night In Federal Prison"-style violations this'll end up giving Marvel Continuity, I have another big question . . .

The Skrulls have got a bunch of the heroes captured. They've got a foolproof way to replace them. They then replace the captured heroes in a totally seamless way. Congratulations, Skrulls! So why then, pray tell, do you keep the original copies ALIVE? To draw marker mustaches on them and take pictures? Keeping them Tupperware fresh for a Disney Style "Hall of Conquered Enemies"? I mean, really, this makes no freakin' sense to me.


I'm just gonna huddle down with a scowl and maybe a drink until this is all over - all the while quietly hoping they don't muck up the lives of Teddy from Young Avengers and Xavin from Runaways too badly with all this nonsense.



And if Emma Frost, Jennifer Jones, Daredevil or anybody else I actually give a crap about is suddenly a Skrull, I am going to cut the amount of Marvel Comics I buy in half. I only collect roughly 13 Marvel titles a month, so whittling that down to 6 titles is not that big of a challenge. Let's say Daredevil, X-Factor, Ellis' Astonishing X-Men, Runaways, one of Fraction's titles, and, in a fit of irony, Powers - done and done. I'm not going to be one of Those Guys who froths at the mouth and declares a boycott but they're definitely going to get me to avoid the major corners of the Marvel U in the near future. Especially if the word "Skrull" in ANY way further ruins the Jessica Jones/Luke Cage relationship (don't even get me started on that one). I'm just so damn tired of mega-crossovers making shockwaves in my books (and yeah, I'm looking at you too, DC - damn well better be "Final Crisis". My wallet can't take much more of this).



I know this is trying to be fun and campy. I get it, I do. But I'm sorry, this Skrull stuff is just . . . ugh. With the flat-out stomping on of old stories to make way for the goofiness of little green men from space, I just can't get into this one. Sorry Bendis & Co.



You know, the funny thing is, I used to like giant Marvel Crossovers. Really! I totally did. Secret Wars and um . . . Secret Wars II! Okay, three giant Marvel Crossovers at least. Remember Acts of Vengeance? That was utterly awesome. Villains versus heroes they never fought before! Beautiful in it's simplicity, really. I freakin' loved Acts of Vengeance.



. . . of course, I was 12 around the time those came out.

God, I'm old.

And bitter.

I'm an old, bitter fanboy.

14 Comic Book Couples I Love - Part 12

Just to show I don't write exclusively about supervillains in love, here's a much happier (albeit defunct) comics couple I love . . .

12. Kitty Pryde & Peter Wisdom



Now I like to think by now that I've made my feelings on Kitty Pryde abundantly clear. All of that said, the only writer who has ever made me completely enjoy the character instead of just tolerating her was - a tad surprisingly - Warren Ellis.



Even Joss Whedon, much as I love his work with an insane fervor, tends to push her back into that "cranky little girl" role and her (oh so disgustingly emo) relationship with Colossus. Warren Ellis' Excalibur was the first time I ever read Kitty Pryde as an adult, not a simpering, sulky teen, and guess what? I liked this woman. For the first time, I didn't have somebody trying to cram "LOOK AT KITTY ISN'T SHE CUTE AND PRECIOUS?!? HER NAME IS FREAKING KITTY OMG LOVE HER!" down my throat. He wrote her as a woman who'd grown up with the X-Men should be written - smart, capable and nearly unflappable. And the thing I liked most of all about Ellis' Pryde was the relationship between her and Peter Wisdom.



Much as I loved him immediately, Pete Wisdom was a character by Ellis some accuse of being one of his "stock characters" - a former spook who was angry, profane, violent and English (and it should be noted that all of the above links were created AFTER Peter Wisdom - so if you love Transmet or Desolation Jones, go find yourself some Excalibur). Wisdom had the ability to shoot 'hot knives' from his hands but didn't wear any spandex and made fun of those who did, eschewing a uniform for a rumpled dress shirt and tie. He smoke, drank and made a distinct effort to be unlikeable. So naturally, when Kitty fell for him, a lot of people cried bloody murder.



I'm sorry but I can't contain my fandom rant at this point - why is the Kitty Pryde/Colossus relationship so incredibly special to people? Was it like a million people's first comic book romance or something? The whole thing skeeves me out and drives me crazy.

For starters, you essentially have a 19-year-old falling for a 14-year-old, which is like a college freshman dating a middle schooler. Let that one sink in for a second. Yeeaaaah. So when people say Peter Wisdom was too old for her, I actually have to fight hard to keep from laughing. Not to mention the whole part where Colossus was always either cheating on her or crying emo tears because his seventh-hundredth family member just died . . . but now I'm just being petty. Although it was awesome when, after Colossus beat the crap out of Wisdom, everybody walked up to his cell and called him an idiot man-child. Heh. But I digress. Stupid Colossus.



Whether or not you think she belonged with Piotr 4EVAH (or if there was any Mary Sue-ing going on in either relationship), I think it's an undeniable fact that Ellis wrote Wisdom and Pryde as both being *GASP!* consenting, intelligent adults who found each other attractive. Wisdom was a cynical man who'd seen and done all sorts of nasty things who was utterly baffled that the upbeat, pretty girl with the big smile didn't so much as flinch at him (I mean, c'mon, three words here - Raised. By. WOLVERINE.). Hilariously, her weirdness often trumped his past easily.



I loved their complimentary dynamic. The interaction of his cynicism with her optimism, both tempered by the incredibly dark and bizarre lives they'd led. They were the picture perfect Powell & Loy of the Mutant set. When the folks at Marvel threw the relationship on the fire, I have to admit that I was pretty incensed. While the majority of fandom seems happy with having Kitty back with Emo Metal Speedo Boy, I know I'm not alone in missing this couple. My good friend Kay, for instance, takes time out from snidely insulting my need to blog about comics to check out this site for updates . . . religiously. Nerd. But as they say in Casablanca, we'll always have back issues.



Ah, well. It was fun while it lasted. Plus, Peter Wisdom's still running around the Marvel U being a snarky bastard, even if it is in a Claremont title (go figure). The important thing is that we all had a few laughs and that the relationship still makes me smile.



C'est le comics love, no?



And in a fit of irony, yes, yes I am looking forward to the Kitty Pryde Shojo Manga. At least this way, she's supposed to be a superhumanly adorable teen girl, you know?

ETA: OBLIGATORY VIDEO POST!

The Conservation of Awesome

So, it has come to my attention that Marvel is canceling the best new series to come out of all this Initiative/Civil War Malarkey. Yes, after only 10 issues, The Order is going away.



*moment of silence for the best comic to feature the punching of bears in jetpacks that I have ever read*

I was enraged but then realized that a new and funny version of Damage Control by it's original author, Dwayne McDuffie, was coming out this very Wednesday. Presumably this will redress the idiocy that occurred in Wolverine where they were made to be the bad guys. More importantly, it will make me laugh and sing with pure joy (I pray).



All of this then falls under my most depressing law . . . "The Conservation of Awesome".

The Conservation of Awesome clearly states that there is a finite amount of Awesome in the world, so if one Awesome thing happens, another Awesome thing must suffer as a result.*
*For further proof of this theory, please see Buffy Season 8 Vs. Runaways, The Order Vs. Nextwave, so on and so forth.

Yes, the lack of The Order makes my soul grumble with fanboy rage. Still, tomorrow morning, I'm going to be able to read more funny from the man who dared to bring us Wolverine getting a pie in the face from Groucho.



And that alone, my friends, makes the pain so much less.