Batman's Super Important Press Conference!

As you can tell from my regular updates, I've always got my finger on the trembling pulse of Comic Book News. Recently, I've heard a lot of stuff in the news about Batman making an important announcement to The Press, so I looked on YouTube to find out what exactly Batman announced that was so dang amazing (clearly, if it's important, it's GOTTA be on YouTube).

This was my very first result for "Batman Press Conference":



Obviously, this video's nothing more than some silly group's idea of a bad joke. Luckily, I found the real, game-changing Batman Press Conference right here!



Wow. That turned real ugly, real fast. Just plain sad. Maybe he should have held the Press Conference as Bruce Wayne or something. Jeez.

Venturing Towards Christmas

On this quiet Winter Solstice, I wish you joy. And nothing brings more joy to me than hearing the cast of the Venture Bros singly treacly faux-carols!


(They do a new one every year but I can't seem to find any newer ones, alas.)

Speaking of horrible new Christmas songs, comedian/actor Patton Oswalt discusses what all bored kids did at some point to Alvin & The Chipmunks Christmas Song here (a tad NSFW due to language):


(I kid. Mostly. I actually loved that song growing up but Demonic Dave is always funny.)

While neither of these videos have the slightest relation to comic books, I do hope they amuse all of you. Perhaps Santa will see fit to bring me some comics for X-Mas and I'll blog about them then.

More importantly, I sincerely hope you all are having a lovely holiday season. I suggest you go here for an appropriately geeky Holiday wish of joy.

So, in closing, Merry Whatever And A Happy New Year!

Your Non-Comics Post of the Month

While I still haven't seen the G.I. Joe film, this "Ballad of G.I. Joe" with a star-studded cast is made of pure joy:

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

Vinnie Jones as Destro and Henry Rollins as Duke = WIN. For many reasons, this now becomes the best G.I. Joe related thing on the Internet (with this now becoming the silver medal winner and this and this tying for the bronze).

And if that didn't blow your mind enough, here are the adventures of Mister President Doctor Steve Elvis America, Man of Action:



You're Welcome!

Now with missing dialogue included!

Courtesy BeaucoupKevin!

The following ad for the "Superfriends - The Legendary SuperPowers Show" animated TV series is scored with music so loud that you cannot hear the dialogue. Given my keen, dog-like ears, I am able to hear said dialogue. I am also kind enough to provide you with a transcript.

Enjoy!



(@ 0:04)

Superman (thought narration): "Oh, God, my shield is just an iron-on! I hope the others never learn that Ma Kent couldn't sew my- I'd die of embarrassment if they- deep breaths, they don't know, they don't know, they don't know."

(@ 0:07)

Robin (through grit teeth): "Gee, thanks for just dropping me and Apache Chief out of the sky, Lantern. I think my ankle's broken, you tool."

Green Lantern: "Hee, hee, hee! Robins who can't fly say whaaaaat?"

Black Lightning: "Christ, not this again."

Apache Chief: "Just- just leave me out of this. I hate you people."

(@ 0:09)

Superman: "Aaaaah! Fire! Man with head on fire!"

Black Lightning: "What the hell are you- whoa."

Wonder Woman: "That- that can't be healthy. Right?"

(@ 0:18-20)

Firestorm: "I- I just realized my only powers are flying and somehow living with a head that's on fire! Oh, God, I am so ashamed. Why was I even born?"

(@ 0:23)

Giant Robot: "Okay . . . that's a rope on my arm. And?"

(@ 0:25)

Apache Chief: "Oh, yeah. Time to misplace all my aggression towards the systemic destruction of my culture by white, smallpox-spreading devils!"

(@ 0:27)

Wonder Woman: "Hello? I had him! I had one whole arm all roped up! And stuff! Jerk."

(@ 0:31)

Aquaman: "Oh, what the fuck is this now? Really? Is that how it goes? You just toss giant fucking robots in my house without asking? Hi! Nice to see you too! Pricks. Hey! Inappropriately placed Catfish! Shove this stupid fucking thing at Superman's stupid face. Hard!

Gonna drop a Giant Squid on the Daily Planet building tomorrow, see how you like it . . ."

(@ 0:38)

Superman: "Hmmm. Firm. He must work out. Wait, he's a robot. Never mind. What am I even thinking? God! Get it TOGETHER, Kal-El!"

(@ 0:39)

Kalibak: ". . . WHAT."

Darkseid: "Buh?"

Luthor: "It didn't even kill a Wonder Twin? Or the freakin' monkey? COME ON! I spent a whole week on that thing!"

Brainiac (voiced by John Lithgow): "I blame myself."

(@ 0:40)

Desaad: "I'mma fire LASERS! PEW! PEW PEW! PEW!"

(@ 0:42)

Superman (thought narration): "Okay, keep it together, Clark, don't let the minorities see you sweat - oh, God, that was racist of me to think that, I didn't mean it, it just came out, Oh, Christ, just throw the robot, THROW THE ROBOT!"

El Dorado (thought narration): "Why does Superman never remember that I am a telepath? The crushing burden of being the sole supeheroic role model for Hispanic youths is difficult enough without the racism, both intentional and unintentional, coming from my . . . . I just realized Black Lightning's costume is a girl's one-piece swimsuit with sleeves. And a mask. That is so weird."

Black Lightning (thought narration): "Mmmmm, breezy!"

(@ 0:47-48)

Flash: "SoIknowIjustgotherebutI'mheresoittotallycountshiwhat'sgoingon-"

Batman: "Yeah, shut up. Hey, here I am to save the day and take down the villains all by myself, just like I always do! Man, how awesome am I?"

Robin: "OW! Seriously! My ankle! Not joking! Stop dropping me from the sky, goddamit!"

Batman: "You were supposed to say 'SO Awesome!', Robin. Way to fail, Dick. We'll talk later, I gotta rope up these dudes and get ready for high fives."

(@ 0:50)

Kalibak (thought narration): "I could break free of this rope quite easily but the Sisyphean nature of this ongoing struggle fills me with an soul-deadening ennui. Alas."

Desaad: "Duuuude! You're crushing my Fritos!"

Brainiac (still voiced by John Lithgow): "Rope burns! And chafing! I'm suing the lot of you!"

(@ 0:52-54)

Firestorm: "Guys! You guys! I just- I just realized that I can make a giant bo- water pipe!"

Luthor: "Oh, God. Not like this. Not like this!"

Firestorm: "Who wants the first- whoops! I think I just threw them into Russia. Sorry! My bad."

Brainiac (voiced for the last time by John Lithgow): "Oh, thank you, Baby Steve Jobs!"

Firestorm: "Man, I'm wasted. Shit, is my head on fire? Whoa! What is that about?"

(@ 0:55-0:58)

Darkseid: "Kryptonian. You may have won this day but you and your foolish allies will soon learn the deadly consequences of defying the sovereign ruler of- oh, crap, portal to Russia's closing! Uh- you guys suck! A lot! Bye!

Oh, God, I just said 'Bye!'. I can't believe I just said that."

I have figured out why my productivity is so low

Clearly, my actual writing output has fallen to a critical low. Now, I know why - I lack the proper motivation. I need a driving force.

In short, I need a nemesis*.



A really, really great nemesis**.



Any takers?



*No, not like that.

**And no, definitely not like this.

A Musical Interlude

Please enjoy these geeky nuggets of musical joy while I attempt to create actual content.







And lastly, on a non-musical note, Adam West begs for cash:

Batman Garage Sale with Adam West from Adam West

Batman? Batman.

In lieu of real, intelligent commentary or content, I give you Batman:







Meanwhile, in real life, a heroic bat tried to travel into outer space. Sadly, not even Batman himself can travel into outer space without a Zeta Beam. Space Bat: R.I.P.

ITEM! Kristen Bell Marries Chewbacca!

Now, I usually leave this sort of celebrity gossip and commentary for sites like Defamer (a high-quality site, I assure you)but I just thought you'd all be interested to know about this exciting new celebrity couple. How did Chewbarsten start, you might ask?

Friends say that the Wookie - already having surprised everybody in Tinseltown by ignoring his novel-based death to start appearing in guest spots on such shows as Ghost Whisperer, 24 and a two-parter on Grey's Anatomy - already had a crush on the petite actress. So when the talented star of Forgetting Sarah Marshall , Veronica Mars, and the upcoming Veronica Mars movie reportedly met Chewbacca while slumming it in wretched hives of scum and villainy, it was no surprise to anyone that sparks flew. Before you could say Kessel Run, the two took off to Vegas and got married!

"What can I say?" giggled a grinning Bell, "It was just love at first sight. He asked me to play pool and I just had to let the Wookie win."

"EYYYYYRRRRAAARRRRGGGG! WAAAAAUUUURRRRRRNNNNNNN!" joked Chewbacca to Entertainment Tonight.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" added Chewbacca, playfully putting his lady love in a headlock on the red carpet for her new film, Fanboys - a film which has already caused controversy on the Internet, much to everyone's shock and dismay.

Bell and Chewbacca seemed in too high spirits tonight to care about the whinging of nerds on the Internet, however, Bell's cheeks pink with glee as her Wookie lover continued to give her carotid artery a cheeky squeeze.

"EEUUUUURRRRRRUUUUU! RRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!" added Chewbacca with a big, toothy grin.


"Baby? Chewby? Chewby, baby, I- I can't breathe!" Bell said in response to further questions from reporters about the ceremony, their whirlwind romance and any future baby plans. "Seriously! Let . . . go . . . now . . . honey . . . I'm . . . passing . . ."

Ha! Adorable! It seems that Chewbarsten sure loves playing their cards close to their vest - or weird silver ammo belt as the case may be. Even so, The LookOut will keep all you faithful viewers updated on this hot, happening Hollywood Romance from their birds-eye view of LA in Colorado and at great personal risk to themselves! Because that's just how The LookOut rolls.*

BONUS VIDEO CONTENT!





*If forced to apply a geeky label, The LookOut is actually more of a Browncoat, a Dwarfer or a Scaper than a Star Wars fan but hey, those really doesn't work for the joke.

Orson Welles' "The Batman!"

Totally fake but it makes me smile -



Remember, kids - Batman is even better when you're dead! Also, in the real world of people doing fun things with Batman, did y'all see the four-page preview of Neil Gaiman's upcoming Batman two-parter? Color me most intrigued.

Cough cough WILDCAT cough cough

The LookOut seems to be developing a slight cold.



Please enjoy the following BONUS VIDEO CONTENT in lieu of my usual scintillating insights on comic books, Emma Frost or why Marvel Comics are fools for not letting Adam Warren write a Shang-Chi, Master of Kung-Fu series for them.

While this isn't my favorite episode of Brave And The Bold, you can't deny the joy of R. Lee Emery as Wildcat. Also - PELISHARK:



Then again, Dennis Farina's voice seemed more apropos to me for Wildcat back in the JLU days:



Now I go to drink tons of fluids and pass out. Night, all.

Neil Gaiman SINGS! Sort of.

Well, Jonathan Coulton and Paul And Storm just rocked my socks off. I am now sockless. Maybe the previous videos weren't enough to convince you of the awesome. In that case, may I point out that Neil Gaiman himself is a fan? Enough of a fan to get up onstage and sing along with them (sort of)? Behold Neil joining them all for a dramatic rendition of Creepy Doll!

First, enjoy the full album version of Creepy Doll with appropriately creepy lyrics, in this genuinely creepy video:



Secondly, enjoy the live and improved Neil Gaiman version:



Repeat at will!

All we want to do is rock your brains

My plans for the evening do not include comics but they do involve geeky musical joy. I will be seeing a live performance by Mr. Jonathan Coulton, the hitmaker behind Still Alive, Re: Your Brains, Code Monkey and Skullcrusher Mountain. In joyous celebration of my Friday night plans, I hereby present BONUS VIDEO CONTENT of his many hits:

Photos of an Iron Monger

Jeff Bridges has quite a lovely set of photographs from his time on the set of Iron Man, over on his personal website. Man's got quite a nice eye for framing and light.

And I just had to post this gem I found on Teh Interwebs -



(Yes, I know the man's a talented actor with several roles under his belt but damn if I don't love that weird little film. Just be glad I didn't post this deeply irritating yet mildly amusing video instead.)

"Sadness but incredible pride"

I especially love Robert Downey, Jr's "Please just get on with giving Heath Ledger the award he has both already won and deserves" face when they cut to him and finishing reading his name. A beautiful acceptance speech as well by Chris Nolan. Fingers crossed for Oscar gold.

It was a BIG dog

Robin: "Like, hey, Bats - if you go into that creepy cave and do some detecting work, I'll give you another one of these groovy Batman Snacks!"

Batman: "Batty Batty Booooooooo!"

BONUS VIDEO CONTENT:

YOU Are The Man-Thing! And Hulk!

I have yet to fully sit through these read-along comic books but I am presenting them here for our mutual enjoyment/confusion later.





Poor Squishy Man-Thing. Always finding dead clowns in his swamp.

Also, HULK!





Why is everything so hard for Hulk?

To The Grand Ladies We Lost This Year

R.I.P., Bettie Page and Eartha Kitt. These ladies set the standard and will definitely be missed.

Bettie Page -





Eartha Kitt -

Happy SolKwanHanuChrisTice!

Happy Holidays, everyone. I hope this Christmas brings you all the most important things in life, things that don't have price tags, like love, hope and warm memories to last a lifetime.



(The above images are from Newsarama's lovely collection of Comic Book Holiday greetings - go and take a look for yourselves. Merry Christmas, Newsarama! Thanks for being awesome.)

And y'know, failing that, I hope you get a lot of awesome things that do have price tags. ;)

BONUS CHRISTMAS VIDEO CONTENT! (and many X-Mas thanks to Bottomless Cup for the tip-off on one of these)!


(Jingle Belle belongs to Paul Dini and if you dug that, go hunt down Jingle Belle's most recent tale of Santa Claus Vs. Frankenstein)




(I listen to Los Straitjackets every Christmas. Nothing says Christmas like Mexican Surf Rock played by men in Luchadora masks.)


(To absent fictional friends. You're still eating Chocos and milk in our hearts, J'onn J'onzz.)


(And lastly, a friendly reminder - even if you heart isn't warmed by Christmas, it can still be warmed by eggnog. :P)

MERRY WHATEVER, EVERYBODY!

Canadians Win At Christmas

Because truthfully, whom among us wouldn't want "8 comic books" for Christmas?



A more complete version with a transcript can be found here, btw, but watch out for embedded sound.

No mere mortal can resist

While I am usually so much about the Halloween it's scary (see what I did there?), I've been pretty blah this year. Still, after reading Chris Sim's superlative examples of Halloween comics blogging, I have been inspired to post a few holiday appropriate videos.

The Original:





The Massive Filipino Prisoner Dance Remix:



And lastly, the Indian version (or a "translated version", if you prefer):



And lastly, while he's no Vincent Price (but who is?), there's something to be said for hearing Christopher Walken read "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe:



So, there you have it really. Have a lovely Halloween and make the most out of your costumed fun - not like this poor guy.



He couldn't have had Alfred or Robin do the shopping on Halloween? Tch. So much for useful sidekicks. But then again, I guess Arkham Asylum isn't going to TP itself.