in
K. D. BRYAN LEARNS MORE ABOUT "SECRET INVASION"
K. D. Bryan sits at his computer, scowling.
Enter Internet, stage left -
THE INTERNET: Hey! Hey! HEY! Hey, K. D.! How you doin', my man! You lovin' the CRAP out of SECRET INVASION! 'Cause I sure am! Seriously, brah - whaaaaaazzup?!?
K. D. BRYAN:
THE INTERNET: Dude! Harsh! Chill, bro! I just wanted to share some SWEET NEWS about Secret Invasion with you! Didja know Secret Invasion's gonna last 8 Whole Months?!? EIGHT! That's the rest of THIS ENTIRE YEAR! Isn't that AWESOME?!? I bet you'll have tons and tons of fun guessing who's a Skrull . . . for another eight months! AWESOME like TV'S BLOSSOM! Amiright buddy or amiright?!?
K. D. BRYAN:
THE INTERNET: Aw, don't be like that, ya big baby! I know what'll cheer you up - X-Factor! You Loooove X-Factor, don't ya? Noir! Mutants! And no more of that SUH-WEET Messiah Complex Crossover making you bitch and moan! Even if they did shunt off one of your fave characters into some wacky alternate future, X-Factor's still one of your favorite books on the stand, right? Right? RIGHT?
K. D. BRYAN:
THE INTERNET: Well, hold on to your hat, True Believer - because now X-Factor's gonna be Chockfulla SKRULLS! SKRULL-FACTOR AHOY! You may have been a big old stupidhead when it came to getting "down" with Messiah Complex but Sweet Christmas! It's CROSSOVER TIME ALL OVER AGAIN! And I know how you love CROSSOVERS!
K. D. BRYAN:
THE INTERNET: Seriously, bro - how freakin' AWESOME is it going to be when one of your fave Marvel books gets made EVEN BETTER . . . WITH SWEET SKRULLICIOUSNESS?!? Plus, She-Hulk - you know, that book you've been thinking about dropping like some kinda crazy idiot - crosses over! With her NEW BFF - JAZINDA, the IMMORTAL SKRULL! C'mon, man, what's more NOIR than AN IMMORTAL SKRULL?!?
K. D. BRYAN:
THE INTERNET: . . . Aw, c'mon, Brah! Don't be such a Gloomy Gus! You better start to LOVE the Skrulls, m'man . . . 'cause THE SKRULLS ARE EVERYWHERE! This is gonna be ALL OVER the Internet, CAPTAIN BROMERICA! You can buy nothin' but DC . . . but you can't hide from This 100% BAD-ASS SKRULLTASTICNESS!
SKRULLS 24/7, Baby!
FOR!
8!
STRAIGHT!
MONTHS!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
K. D. BRYAN:
Finis.
9 comments:
I'm borrowing that last image so I can threaten my misbehaving computer with Batman. :)
Ah, you have summed up my reaction to Secret Invasion quite beautifully.
Great Googally Moogally...eight MONTHS of this?
KLC, please do! I find it's a wonderful all-purpose picture. I've been half-tempted to icon it, actually. :)
Thanks, SallyP.
And yeah, eight whoooooole months. I don't know about you but I'm going to stick to the fringes of the Marvel U and buy a lot of bourbon.
I cannot believe it's 8 issues long :(
I saw the first issue and saw 1/8 and I'm like ..wut? >.>
Is there rly 8 months of storytelling there in this concept?
I totally know Ami. I know.
I think the 8 months of storytelling will go like this:
Month 1 - OMG SKRULLS!
Month 2 - OMG ARE YOU A SKRULL?
Month 3 - OMG YOU ARE/AREN'T A SKRULL!
Month 4 - OMG SKRULLS ARE PRETENDING TO BE EVERYBODY, SO WE CAN'T TRUST ANYONE!
Month 5 - OMG WE STILL CAN'T TRUST ANYONE! ALSO, THAT ONE PERSON WE THOUGHT WASN'T A SKRULL IS A SKRULL!
Month 6 - OMG SKRULLS KILLED (fill-in-the-blank)! WE KILLED SO-AND-SO THINKING HE/SHE WAS A SKRULL BUT HE/SHE WASN'T A SKRULL! WHAT HAVE WE BECOME?!?
Month 7 - OMG WE FINALLY FOUND A WAY TO BEAT THE SKRULLS? WILL IT WORK?!?
Month 8 - OMG WE BEAT UP ALL THE SKRULLS, YAY! . . . BUT THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!
Here's my biggest issue with the whole plot. Granted, what I know about Skrulls is from the 90s X-Men cartoon, but what I remember is they are shape-shifting aliens.
How the hell are they able to mimic a superhero's powers?
Granted, I'm putting too much thought into the teaser posters but use Storm for an example. I'm a Skrull pretending to be Storm. I got the walk, I got the talk, I got the mannerisms down cold. I need to lightening zap a bad guy. Um?
Course, I'm not tempted to spend my money at all to find out the answer to this logic error.
How the hell are they able to mimic a superhero's powers?
Okay, this is a bit of a bunny trail, so bear with me . . .
In a mini-series called The Illuminati, we find out that Mr. Fantastic, Iron Man, Professor X, Black Bolt, Namor and Dr. Strange formed a secret club to take care of menaces they essentially felt everybody else was too stupid/lily-livered to deal with. One of their brilliant ideas was to show up on the Skrull homeworld, threaten them into not bugging Earth, then fly away all smug and triumphant. Naturally, the Skrull response was to blast them out of the sky, hold them prisoner, perform invasive medical tests on them and proceed to figure out how to perfectly duplicate any metahuman - right down to the powers. The Illuminati think they all escape back to Earth from this ordeal unscathed, but in reality, the Skrulls have replaced Black Bolt and God knows who else.
So, basically, this whole Secret Invasion thing stems from the supposed geniuses of the Illuminati not being smart enough to think maybe a Skrull took one of their places . . . after being captured on SkrullWorld. Oh, and Skrulls also somehow figuring out how to use science to evade both magic AND telepathy. Yeah, that part I still don't understand.
*sigh*
So basically:
Teh Skrulls > j00
?
Post a Comment