More Drinking Well With Excalibur

When last we left off discussing Excalibur, I was coming up with notions about how best to relate a noble team of superheroes to the process of getting hella crunk (as opposed to getting Hela Crunk, which is a horrible idea). Now, I was happy to let the matter lie but The Red Monk had the unmitigated gall to slap me across the face with a metaphorical glove by decrying my Geek Cred for not including Meggan, Captain Britain and Rachel Summers . . . so now it is ON. It is on like Donkey Kong.

The Burning Phoenix



So, as it turns out, there is already a drink named Phoenix Paradise but given that A) it is a cold ice cream drink and B) Phoenix is such a goddawfully emo character half the time, it just didn't sit right with me. Poor thing. Seriously, even her cheery Go-Go Girl costume that Deadpool had to try on for fun doesn't take away from her unhappiness. I don't think I've ever seen the girl happy unless she's making out with shirtless space men or clothes-shopping with Kitty. Yes, I know she has issues (thank you, Claremont for giving her a thinly veiled Electra Complex* on top of the Survivor's Guilt), but if I were finally living in a past devoid of genocide with free food and rent, I might enjoy it a tad more.

Anyways, here's a shot for Rachel Summers, because she could probably use three or four of them. I proudly present The Burning Phoenix (a slightly modified Flaming Jesus) - dangerous, briefly on fire and consistently bittersweet.

1 1/2 oz flavored Vodka (preferably raspberry, in keeping with all the red)
1 splash Lime juice
1 splash Grenadine
Float 1/2 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum

Mixing instructions:

Pour Vodka, lime juice, and grenadine into shot glass. Then layer 151 on top from the back of a spoon. Light the 151 and shoot it while lit if you dare. If you are worried about shooting a lit drink, just blow out the flame and then shoot the drink.**

*The "hating every woman who her father dates that isn't her Mother - the mother who Claremont constantly has to creepily mention she resembles" Complex, not the "ninjas bring you back to life, you get a bad movie with Jennifer Garner and then Skrulls kidnap you for a stupid crossover" Complex.

**Do not use if housing a cosmic avatar.


Meggan's Kiss



Now, while there is a drink called Sex With The Captain, even I'm not tacky enough to use that drink for the purely adorable and much-missed character that is Meggan. That said, she is still deceased (for now), so a variation on a Blonde On Ice is my regretfully appropriate choice.
(Fingers crossed for Meggan's resurrection coming sooner rather than later. Hey, when Gail Simone brought back Ice, she also renewed my hope that there's still a place for happy, upbeat women in comics)

1/2 oz Creme de Banane (Yellow to match the hair)
1/2 Vanilla Schnapps (Sweet to match the attitude)
1/2 oz Peppermint schnapps (Minty to match the . . . mintiness? I don't know)
1/2 oz Vodka (So, it's either give up now or make a tasteless joke about her poorly-written crush on Colossus. I vote give up now)
Fill Cream (Aren't you glad I voted to give up now?)
Ice cubes (Because Britain is cold)

Mixing instructions:

Fill highball glass with ice. Add creme de banane, followed by peppermint schnapps, vanilla schnapps and vodka. Fill with cream. Short shake.

Alternately, you could get a blender, scoops of vanilla ice cream, increase the proportions and make yourself a summer treat. Unlike Rachel, I could totally see Meggan being a sweet ice cream drink.


Captain Britain



. . . is an alcoholic, you sick, sick little monkeys. What is the matter with you? Maybe I should just come up with a Tony Stark's Iron Bender drink to entertain you ghouls while I'm at it. God.

You people disgust me. Alcoholism is a disease, you jackals.


. . . Tony Stark's Iron Bender is actually a drinking game, which consists of the following - take a six-pack of the cheapest beer you can find in cans, drink each can as quickly as possible, crushing each of the cans against your forehead after you finish and throw them against the wall, screaming "REPULSOR BLAST!" at the top of your lungs each time you throw. The first person to finish drinking, crushing and shouting each beer in order, without mixing up the steps, wins!

. . . And Captain Britain drinks English Highballs when nobody's looking.

And because I'm getting all the classic roster done, here's a drink in honor of the most delightful character on the roster . . .


Fuzzy Elf



A variation on the Fuzzy Navel, naturally, but far more charming, dangerous and German.
(and him quitting the X-Men is totally idiotic, btw)

1 oz Peach schnapps
1/2 oz Vodka
1 1/2 oz Orange juice
1 shot Jagermeister

Drop the Jager quite suddenly into your Fuzzy Navel for a Bamf effect. Admire the swirls, then drink. Much like Nightcrawler himself, this will guarantee a kick you won't see coming.

And you didn't even MENTION Nightcrawler, Red Monk. So there. Shame, shame and dishonor on you for forgetting your favorite character, you punk, you.

Remember, please drink responsibly and, failing that, enjoy yourself immensely while drinking irresponsibly. Cheers and good health to you all!

Return of Haiku Reviews!

So, yes, I've been pretty remiss in a lot of bloggy things, I know. Sorry. My "14 Comic Book Couples I Love" remains only 98% complete for nearly a year now, I have a part two of Excalibur Cocktails to complete (because The Red Monk called me out. Blogless tomato-growin' punk.) and Haiku Reviews haven't existed in a dog's age. Well, guess what? I'm gonna finish up my nerdy ode to Scott Summers and Emma Frost just in time for the next VD and, just like The Gargoyles, it's time for my abuse of Japanese poetry to LIVE AGAIN!*
*Dear Lord, I am a nerd.

There are SPOILERS here
Seventeen syllables worth
. . . so not that many.


Secret Invasion: Dark Reign #1 - F
by Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, Dean White

Define "ludicrous" -
Osborn bossing around Doom?
My eyes, how they roll.

BONUS HAIKU:

Whedon and Ellis?
They can write Emma Frost well
Bendis? "Yeah, okay."

Ultimates Vol. 3 - F
by Jeph Loeb, Joe Madureira & Christian Lichtner

Around issue three
I realized this wasn't
Meant to be funny.

Incredible Hercules #124 - A
by Fred Van Lente & Greg Pak, Clayton Henry

Move aside, Ayn Rand -
"Atlas Got Rochambeaued"
Is way more awesome.

Secret Six #5 - A
by Gail Simone, Nicola Scott & Doug Hazlewood

Bane takes licks from bricks
While Tarantula high kicks
Last page reveal? Squicks.

Excalibur on the rocks

As it might not surprise some of you to know, one of my favorite comic book runs is Warren Ellis' all-too-brief run on the (mostly) British Mutant Superteam known as Excalibur, if only because it gave us the glorious bastard that is Peter Wisdom. I'm also, more obscurely, a fan of the new Doctor Who show. So, when I learned Paul Cornell, the gentleman behind Family of Blood and the current Captain Britain and MI:13 series had his own blog, of course I had to take a look. And I'm quite glad I did, as it led me to this fine UK-based fellow's blog and more importantly, his drink recipes for major British Marvel characters. I have to say, his Peter Wisdom? Spot-on.

Still, something like this is too cool for me not to take up as a challenge. So, may I present my very own Excalibur-themed Cocktails!

Pryde And Wisdom



Smart money says a shot of painfully strong English Scotch with a Chicago-based beer as a chaser would do the trick. Still, not nearly creative enough for my tastes. Plus, all the best beers come from small breweries in Colorado, not Illinois.

The Pryde & Wisdom

1 oz Aftershock Cinnamon Liquor (for Wisdom's hot knives)
1 oz Blackberry schnapps (for Kitty's tech geekery)
1 1/2 oz Cranberry Juice (because Kitty would insist on something in this being healthy)
1/2 oz Everclear (because Wisdom would have to thumb his nose up at Kitty's attempts at making his alcohol healthy)

One of these and I imagine you'd end up having neither much pride or wisdom, which is a sad comment on how they're no longer together.
(And, if your tastes run to emo, whiny Russians, you can replace the Aftershock with Vodka and Everclear with more vodka, assuming you're one of those people.)

The Douglock



Bright yellow 'bot with blue accents? I think a variation on Electric Lemonade is in order. Try to use only Top Self ingredients, if possible.

1 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Blue Curacao
2 oz Sweet and sour
1/4 oz Goldschläger
1 splash 7-Up


Stay Out of Me Medlab!
(a.k.a. The Moira McTaggart)



Since she's now a deceased Scottish doctor, I must sadly recommend the Scotch Daisy (lifted in whole cloth from oh-so-helpful The Webtender)

"Ingredients:

* 2 oz Scotch
* 1 oz Lemon juice
* 1/2 tsp superfine Sugar
* 1/2 tsp Grenadine
* 1 Maraschino cherry
* 1 Orange slice

Mixing instructions:

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine the Scotch, lemon juice, sugar, and grenadine. Shake well. Pour into an old-fashioned glass. Garnish with the cherry and the orange slice."

A little fruity for such a strong lass but there's hard Scotch at it's core. R.I.P., Doc.*

(*And yes, I know Sean would not approve. Shut up.)



Did you guys know there's actually a drink called a Wolfsbane? Remember when Rahne thought alcohol would "taste evil"? Yeah, you know, this drink doesn't strike me as dissuading her from that notion (egg? really?). Let's try to think up something better.

Bad Wolfsbane

1/2 oz Gold Tequila (to shake things up)
1/2 oz Goldschläger (the fresher the better)
2 oz Mead (preferably from the hair of the dog that bit you)
1 oz Summer Ale (preferably a Blond Summers Ale)

And yes, I know that mixing mead, beer, tequila and Goldschlager will make you . . . (wait for it) . . . sick as a dog!

And we mustn't forget Lockheed.



Burn Your Clothes

A shot that, much like Lockheed, is small but burns mightily.

1 1/2 oz chilled Tequila
1 1/2 oz cinnamon schnapps
4 dashes Tabasco® sauce

And on that note, I think I'm done for now. If I get any further requests, I may consider putting out more of these.

Happy reading and happy drinking . . . assuming any one of you out there is crazy enough to try making these.

Assistant Editor's Month Returns!

So, it would seem Marvel is resurrecting an old chestnut - Assistant Editor's Month! For those of you unfamiliar with the wacky hilarity of Assistant Editor's Month, this was an event that produced scads of hilarious crack, such as Aunt May, Herald of Galactus.



Sadly, this looks like just a one-shot special full of wackiness. Of course, considering that said wackiness involves a writer from the Daily Show and Mr. Adam Warren (whose name has shown up here maybe one or two times) among many others, I think we'll all have a good time.

Coming June 3rd!

Because, as you all know by now, I love Empowered more than Robocop loves Fried Chicken . . .






(Yes, yes, that did need glitter text. Shut up, that's why.)

Uh-oh! Rampaging Sistah Spooky? Naked BFF and Boyfriend in close proximity? Yeesh. To quote Angelus, things do not look good for our heroine.

It'll be nice to have another volume so soon; it felt like the wait between 3 and 4 was interminable.

YOU Are The Man-Thing! And Hulk!

I have yet to fully sit through these read-along comic books but I am presenting them here for our mutual enjoyment/confusion later.





Poor Squishy Man-Thing. Always finding dead clowns in his swamp.

Also, HULK!





Why is everything so hard for Hulk?

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

January is shaping up to be an awesome month for comics bloggers. Not only do we have Dave Campbell back to blogging for pleasure, the good folks who where formerly part of Blog@Newsarama have returned in the form of the mysterious Robot 6! Hooray for more well-written comics blogging!

And in honor of their new name, I present my favorite comic book robot - L-Ron!


Ah, the good old days.

It's What's For Dinner In Gotham

BATMAN:







HE TAKES HIS STEAK MEDIUM RARE.

Batman's canonical love of slightly pink steak is taken from Azzarello and Risso's Broken City and the "never-reprinted" Batman 247, wherein Batman Saves New Year's Eve.

And just so I don't forget . . .

Fuck You, Penguin.



Yeah, you heard me, Cobblepot.

You heard me.

Happy Year of The Ox!

Happy New Year, everyone!

So, I've been told that 2009 is officially The Year of The Ox!




I have to say that I'm surprised that Marvel would devote a whole year's worth of stories to a low-level thug whose last appearance was getting tortured by Daredevil. Still, it's a bold move and I commend them on their courage. I'm sort of shocked Montana or Fancy Dan didn't get the nod instead but hey, whatever floats their boat.



Guess I should have seen this whole "Year of the Ox" thing coming after they announced Spider-Man: Noir and Incognito. Still, I can't-

Wait, what?



Ohhhhhhhh.

Never mind.

Happy New Year's Anyways, everybody.