Friday, September 25, 2009

Meme Answers Ahoy!

So, without further adieu, here are the answers to the recent meme I snagged from Kalinara. First off, here's the list of characters I chose:

1. Deadpool (Marvel's Merc With A Mouth who needs to lose the stupid second narration box pronto)
2. Donna Noble (My favorite companion of Doctor Who, a smart-mouthed temp from Chiswick, England)
3. Emma Frost (Marvel's most delightfully bitchy, haughty telepathic mutant)
4. Empowered (The most insecure yet still wonderfully heroic superheroine out there)
5. Harley Quinn (Ex-GF to the Joker and the most delightful character to spin out of Batman: The Animated Series)
6. Jaime Reyes (A.K.A. Blue Beetle II, Electric Boogaloo)
7. Jessica Jones (Badass, sassy and one of the few Moms in Marvel comics)
8. Peter Wisdom (Marvel's answer to James Bond with plasma at his fingertips)
9. Renee Montoya (The Question II and the second most delightful character to spin out of Batman: The Animated Series)
10. Spike (Former poet, current vampire smartass of Buffy & Angel fame)

Everybody good? Great. Let's get started!

Elly asks:

Okay, 6 and 4 are involved in a sordid romance. Who's jealous, and of whom (and why)?

Oh, dear me - Empowered and Jaime Reyes? Ew. Empowered and Jaime Reyes in a 'sordid romance' might mean Emp would be breaking the law in a few states, so it'd definitely be, uh, sordid. On the other hand, I think Jaime would be kinda of amazed that this attractive older woman is into him and Emp could do with someone who's newer to the hero game than she is and has tons of powers. Also, their costumes kind of match and they could practice blasting things from a distance together. Still, extremely icky due to Jaime being 17.

I assume you're asking about which of the other characters would be jealous, not their respective sweeties (although a broken-hearted Thugboy and Traci 13 would be nothing to sneeze at, poor things). Of the men, I think Deadpool and Spike would be the most jealous of Jaime, what with Spike's fondness for blondes and Deadpool's slightly letch-like nature. Both would make snide cracks about his age and how they could totally kick his ass until he armored up. Peter Wisdom likes his women more aggressive, I'd say, so he really wouldn't care one way or the other, save to add a few of his own snide remarks because that's just what he does.

As for the ladies, I don't any of them would be jealous of Emp's jailbait romance, save maybe Harley Quinn. Harley's always struck me as the sort who's envious of any happy couple and Jaime might strike her as kind of cute, given she seems to like skinny, funny guys. Of course, Jessica Jones and Renee Montoya might want to put Emp in prison depending on how much they know about Jaime.

"5 and 1 are robbing a bank. In the middle of it, 5 has to go to the bathroom. Meanwhile, 1 runs into his/her love interest, 7. What kind of hijinks ensue?"

Harley Quinn and Deadpool robbing a bank? I love this already. I could totally see Harley forgetting to use the bathroom prior to a heist, so that part's eerily accurate. Deadpool running into his 'love interest', Jessica Jones? Oh, dear. If those two ever had a relationship, I think it'd be nothing but loud, nonstop swearing and insults in both good times and bad. I think Jessica would start yelling at Deadpool for breaking the law, they'd get into such an argument that Deadpool would forget why he was there in the first place until the police showed up. Deadpool is a romantic at heart so I don't think he'd ever start a fight with Jessica but I'm sure she would eventually deck him through a window/wall. Aaaand they'd definitely keep yelling at each other the whole time.

Seeing all of this upon exiting the bathroom, I think Harley Quinn would make an "Aw, how romantic!" sigh, realizing things had gone south fast and try to sneak out the back while Jessica and Deadpool's shouting match/beatdown was drawing everyone else's attention.

8 and 4 must Cross-dress for Justice. Describe their outfits and why they were chosen.

Peter Wisdom and Empowered Cross-Dressing For Justice? Ha! Well, it wouldn't be the first time poor Emp had to wear a strange outfit in the course of fighting crime.

Presumably, they're going undercover together in a very bizarre team-up of MI-13 and the Superhomeys. My head just exploded trying to picture the weirdness of that.

Hmmm. I think Empowered would have been chosen because Emp's low on her team's totem pole and has had an unfortunate history of cosplaying to stop evil for the team. Also, the jerks on her team would want Emp partnered with the smartest and/or strongest guy on MI-13 and Pete qualifies for that. Once she got over a brief self-image crisis wondering why she was singled out to dress as a man among all the superheroines, I think Emp'd be grateful to wear more clothes fighting crime instead of less. Also, she's got her BFF Ninjette on speed dial, a gal who's capable of teaching her incredibly complex Cross-Dressing Ninja Magic Skills (I swear to God, all of this is canon). For some reason, I keep coming back to the idea of Emp as a cleverly disguised lumberjack type, complete with red flannel, dirty blue jeans, heavy workboots and a thick fake beard to hide her general poutiness. Ninjette's tricks could add tons of muscle and height to her disguise, so I see her carrying it off, even if she'd have to learn a cocky man walk pretty quickly.

Peter Wisdom, on the other hand, is harder to explain. I mean, he's on a team with a shapeshifter for God's sake. It probably falls to the mission being so dangerous that his martyr complex would only allow him to go on it. At least he's skinny and got good bone structure, so I can see him making a great woman, provided he remembered to shave and had a good team of women helping him get in the spirit of things. Also, he is a spy, after all. I love the idea of him being forced into a trashy denim miniskirt, heels and a Def Leppard t-shirt tied up in the front to show off his navel with a bleached blonde wig and a padded bra, naturally. That's the usual outfit that most of the cross-dressing waitresses wear at a fun local brunch place I frequent occasionally, which is why I so immediately picture skinny, pale Peter in 80's vixen gear (alas, they're closing up shop soon).

Anyways, Peter Wisdom and Empowered would be pretending to be a couple infiltrating an evil Monster Truck rally run by an extremely dangerous supervillain. Naturally! The crossdressing would be key for the element of surprise and I'm sure they'd pull it off gloriously, albeit reluctantly. Mind you, God only knows how drunk they'd both get afterward and how much teasing they'd get from their respective teams. The idea of a drunk Peter Wisdom laying into the Superhomeys for trashing Emp after she gains his respect on said mission does put a smile on my face.

7 and 3 are throwing a surprise birthday party for 10, when they are suddenly attacked by a crazy-fighting-mind-controlled 9. How do 7 and 3 handle it, and does 10 still manage to have fun?

Emma Frost and Jessica Jones are planning a surprise birthday party for Spike when a mind-controlled Renee Montoya attacks them? Hoo boy. Where to begin?

Well, I presume whomever's mind-controlling Renee has no idea who they're messing with when they send her to attack Emma and Jess. Unless Renee somehow got the drop on Emma (the faceless thing might shock her), I imagine Emma'd manage to free her from mind control quickly while Jessica kept her busy in a physical fight. Admittedly, while Jessica's shown as being kind of crap at hand to hand, she does have superpowers and Renee doesn't. It'd be awkward but I'm sure they'd get it all sorted out before the party got ruined.

I think Spike would actually have more fun at his surprise party because of the fight, cheeky troublemaker that he is. In the end, he'd call dibs on finding kicking the ass of the mind controller who tried to ruin his party himself, thus annoying the piss out of Renee (not that he'd give a damn). Since mind-control doesn't work on him, he'd get to feel all superior when he finally played hero, until Emma, Jessica or Renee deflated his ego with killer sarcasm, a solid punch to the jaw (or lower areas) or stealing his thunder some other way.

Still, if Jessica and Emma put the party together, I'm sure there'd be oodles of his favorite booze for him to drink and lavish gifts for him to enjoy. I imagine Emma doesn't do soirees lightly and, new Mom or no, Jessica wouldn't want to attend any party sans alcohol.

Poor Renee. At least she'd probably make good friends with Jessica Jones afterward, if nothing else.

The Red Monk
"Let's say 2 and 9 have a eating contest - who would win and who would have the worst gas?"

Ooookay. Hmmmm. Donna Noble versus Renee Montoya in an eating contest. If this were a drinking contest, I could give it to Renee, no question about it. An eating contest is trickier.

Donna's English so she's not averse to eating things like Blood Pudding and such while Renee was raised in a Mexican household with menudo and the like. While I don't doubt that both have healthy appetites, Renee has to keep herself in better shape than Donna and Donna strikes me as the sort to never turn down free food. Plus, Donna has a big mouth. :D

Since you didn't say what they would be eating, I'll just use the traditional eating contest staple of hot dogs. I can see Donna winning by a very healthy margin and then being too stuffed to move. Renee, who's taken to healthier living since becoming The Question, would not only lose but also get the worst gas from all those hot dogs. When you get on a healthier diet, slip up and starting eating crap fast food again, you definitely suffer for it.

. . . man, I would not have expected to get a question where Donna would beat Renee in a physical contest. This meme has been most unkind to Miss Montoya.

So, it looks that's all, folks! Thanks for helping out with questions. I had a lot of fun writing this. :D


kalinara said...

Hee! Love it! Well done!

K. D. Bryan said...

Thank you! And thanks for the inspiration! :)

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious... I can totally see Harley Quinn trying to "hold it" while she speaks to the hostages and every sentence out of her mouth makes the whole situation worse. "All right everyone, stay where you are, just go with the flo - er, with the program and my friend will come by to relieve you of - ah, of your cash. Uh... 'scuse me for a minute. *runs off*"