Meme Answers!

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially answering all queries to my Meme! Yes, I'm sure that all two of you who contributed questions are thrilled (as for the rest of you, I'm not mad . . . just disappointed).

The List of Fictional Characters I chose for this has a deliberately high mix of kids and (semi)immortals, just because I thought it was funny.

1.Illyria (from Angel)
2.Yotsuba (from Yotsuba&!)
3.John Crichton (from Farscape)
4.Veronica Mars (from Veronica Mars, duh)
5.Parker (from the delightful 'con artists for the little guy' TV series Leverage)
6.Molly Hayes (from Runaways)
7.Black Widow (Natasha Romanov)
8.Charlie Crews (from Life, which was one of the best cop shows nobody watched - think all the best parts of Vic and Renee from 52 on TeeVee)
9.The 11th Doctor (from Doctor Who)
10.The Thing (from Fantastic Four, 'natch).

Here Goes Something!

Kalinara asks . . .

Dance off! #4 versus #7! What happens?

Veronica Mars versus the Black Widow in a dance off? Hmmmm.

Veronica is spry and resourceful but Natasha was a trained ballet dancer before she got turned into a slinky superspy (if that hasn't been retconned away yet). I'm afraid it'll be all over rather quickly for Veronica, even if she got to pick the music.

And God help her if she ever starts a hopeless, spiteful quest to find something she's better at than Natasha.

#6 misplaced #2's prize pet hamster, how does #2 react? Does #10 exploit the situation?

Molly Hayes misplaces Yotsuba's Prized Pet Hamster? Well, I can tell you how the reading audience would react - DED FROM TEH CUTE. Ahem.

Anyways, Yotsuba would get super-mad at first but eventually come up with an utterly bizarre plan to find said Hamster again. Molly would naturally humor her and do things like lift an entire couch above her head looking for the poor tiny, terrified creature.

As for how The Thing might exploit the situation, I guess he'd ask Valeria and Franklin to go help Molly and Yotsuba look for the hamster so he could have a few minutes peace to watch Sportscenter or something. Given that Valeria's a genius, I don't think he'd imagine it taking long or causing much trouble. Of course, with both Yotsuba and Molly involved, it'll probably result in trips to visit the Inhumans, Asgard and a hilarious explosion that will make poor Ben look terribly negligent as a babysitter.

Oh, and naturally they'll find the poor Hamster, so at least there's that.

Ragnell asks . . .

#5 is pregnant (gender doesn't matter here). Who is the Lamas Coach, and what events make it turn out so that #3 has to deliver the baby?

Dear God. A pregnant Parker. The how of her even getting knocked up boggles me but I think she'd have a very antagonistic relationship with the annoying, nausea-inducing parasite that's making it hard for her to fit through air shafts. Hardison, her always hopeful hacker would-be boyfriend, would try to be the Lamas Coach but I'm thinking that an irritated Elliot would be the one to do the job due to it being primarily in the realm of physicality.

As for why John Crichton would have to deliver the baby, the poor guy's just unlucky enough to be stuck delivering a cranky cat thief's baby. :P

Of course, if aliens hired Parker to steal wormhole tech, I think she'd take the job just to see what sort of security defenses a living spaceship would have and - most importantly - if she could beat them, pregnant and all. Of course, something or someone weird on Moya would trigger her going into labor either due to shock or weird alien flotsam/jetsam triggering things. Even as he shouts for Pilot to send somebody else to help him, with Crichton's luck it'd just be him and 1812 with Parker in a dark room.

Thankfully, Crichton is just enough of a stand-up guy to deliver a stranger's baby, even if she was B&E - he's the last person to be mean to a stowaway. And hey, after helping Aeryn give birth to their own Son on a battlefield, it'll be no sweat for the poor guy.

#9 is found in a locked room with the late Mr. Body, holding a bloody candlestick. Is #9 guilty? Which of the other characters sides with him/her, and which of them insists that the case is open and shut?

Ooh. The 11th Doctor is found in the classic murder weapon-holding locked room crime? And who sides with him? This is a GREAT question, given that he's both a bit of a manic loon and a genius 907-year-old.

I would have to say that, given his firm dedication to pacifism and never taking life, The Doctor would be extremely NOT guilty. He'd most likely have picked up the murder weapon to examine it with his Sonic Screwdriver at the exact moment they opened the door. Mind you, I imagine that the "mystery" of the locked door would be solved by the giant blue time machine in the locked room.

Still, since he's a stranger who has appeared out of nowhere in front of the dead Mr. Body, sides would be quickly drawn.

Yotsuba and Molly would most likely be hustled out of the room by The Thing or Natasha, much to their annoyance. Yotsuba wouldn't get what was happening and Molly would suspect The Doctor but be ignored by the grown-ups.

Parker would ignore both the body and the culprit to try and figure out how somebody got a giant blue box into such a small locked room. She'd inspect the locks and look for air vents/hidden doors while everyone else was interrogating The Doctor, eventually interrupting in a very annoyed way to ask about the stupid blue box.

Black Widow has killed and knows what a killer looks like - I don't think she'd see malice in The Doctor after just one good stare down.

And if Natasha gives him a free pass, it'd be good enough for The Thing, even if he wouldn't understand what was going on (guy rarely thinks the worst of anybody). Given Reed and Doom's shenanigans, it's probable The Doctor's met Ben before but he wouldn't remember him due to how The Doctor has a whole new face. He'd probably just confuse Ben by bringing up past history and have other people demanding to speak with him first before he could explain to Ben, unfortunately.

The only actual cop in the room, Charlie Crews, would cheerfully get Zen and focus on the odd details instead of the obvious stuff and try to go into the TARDIS, just like Parker. All the weirdness and his good sense of people would put him on The Doctor's side as well.

John Crichton's deserved paranoia might make him draw on The Doctor for a good long while (I imagine Charlie Crews would draw on him in return until he sees Crichton is holding a 'toy gun'). He'd make him drop the candlestick but I think he'd eventually come around to the babbling loon's side, given how much hanging with Stark taught him how to speak crazy. He may still get annoyed, mind you, when The Doctor breaks his laser pistol by pointing a Sonic Screwdriver at it and telling him "you're better than that."

Veronica Mars would initially block the door with Crichton and be extremely suspicious of everyone there. A cop's daughter, she'd insist that nobody but Charlie Crews touch anything and get irritated with everyone there who just ignore her and start moving about the room. She'd try to figure out who had a motive for both killing Mr. Body and framing The Doctor for it and start interrogating everyone but The Doctor in subtle ways. Natasha would think she's just adorable and should be outside with Molly and Yotsuba. Her condescension (from Veronica's POV) would make her immediately think Natasha was the killer (of course, she could be right - who the hell knows what Mr. Body was up to?).

Illyria, meanwhile, would put exactly nobody at ease by casually lifting The Doctor up by the throat while slapping away anybody stupid enough to point a gun at her. I think she'd put him down so he could speak at some point and decide he isn't the killer (but still be the only one in the room to make The Doctor extremely nervous). She'd also determine the length of time Mr. Body had been dead from how warm the corpse was - just by staring at it for a few seconds. She'd also figure out The Doctor was a time-traveller in a similar manner (I imagine that even if she can't manipulate time anymore, she'd still be sensitive to space-time anomalies) and that the blue box was his vehicle. I imagine she'd solve everything more or less by making blunt statements that lead everyone else in the room toward epiphanies, assuming the believe the creepy-as-fuck blue-haired woman. He'd have to explain to her exactly what he is and therefore put most of the room at ease when he tells them he's a friendly time-traveling alien (except for Charlie and Veronica of course, who would assume that he's crazy).

And what with this being a Doctor Who adventure, it's likely that the "human" Mr. Body actually killed the innocent alien posing as a candlestick to survive. Doctor Who was trying to give it alien mouth-to-mouth or something when everyone burst in. Mr. Body pops up and is revealed to be either another kind of alien or faking his death, only for Natasha, Crichton and Charlie to put him/it square in their crosshairs . . . and/or Illyria or Ben to punch him/it out cold.

The 11th Doctor would immediately relax and then make several excuses to leave at that point so nobody would try to steal his time machine. He'd tell Ben to tell Reed hello (and Ben would finally place the guy from whatever random incarnation he'd met the FF before in, albeit with a different face), let slip Yotsuba would grow up to be a Head of State and remind Crichton he's a scientist deep-down and cluck at him that he should really stop pointing his gun at strangers.

. . . and then he'd be deeply annoyed when he realizes that both Parker and Molly Hayes have slipped on board behind him when he left.

#6 and #2 wake up in the Village from the Prisoner. The #2 from the Village insists that #2 be called #8, and #6 be called #6. How do they escape? Do they work together or turn on each other?

Molly Hayes and Yotsuba having yet another wacky adventure? Somehow, I would never, ever imagined a kid-version of The Prisoner. This is why I love these kinds of memes! XD

Yotsuba would stubbornly insist that her name is Yotsuba, not #8 or 'Charlie Crews', whichever thing Village #2 called her and demand to see her family or friends. Eventually, she might start to cry. Molly Hayes would also say screw you to anybody trying to call her #6 and stand with Yotsuba against all the stupid number people. I assume they've already stolen her trademark hat and put her in a stupid black and white suit, so she'd be ticked enough to already be glowy-eyed and superstrong.

In the end, the Machiavellian mind-fucks of The Village would be really no match for Yotsuba's crazy-kid logic and Molly's house-tossing/white balloon popping tantrums. I don't think they would escape, so much as I think they'd be the first two residents #2 would openly beg to leave The Village (possibly weeping as he does so).