Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Now with missing dialogue included!

Courtesy BeaucoupKevin!

The following ad for the "Superfriends - The Legendary SuperPowers Show" animated TV series is scored with music so loud that you cannot hear the dialogue. Given my keen, dog-like ears, I am able to hear said dialogue. I am also kind enough to provide you with a transcript.


(@ 0:04)

Superman (thought narration): "Oh, God, my shield is just an iron-on! I hope the others never learn that Ma Kent couldn't sew my- I'd die of embarrassment if they- deep breaths, they don't know, they don't know, they don't know."

(@ 0:07)

Robin (through grit teeth): "Gee, thanks for just dropping me and Apache Chief out of the sky, Lantern. I think my ankle's broken, you tool."

Green Lantern: "Hee, hee, hee! Robins who can't fly say whaaaaat?"

Black Lightning: "Christ, not this again."

Apache Chief: "Just- just leave me out of this. I hate you people."

(@ 0:09)

Superman: "Aaaaah! Fire! Man with head on fire!"

Black Lightning: "What the hell are you- whoa."

Wonder Woman: "That- that can't be healthy. Right?"

(@ 0:18-20)

Firestorm: "I- I just realized my only powers are flying and somehow living with a head that's on fire! Oh, God, I am so ashamed. Why was I even born?"

(@ 0:23)

Giant Robot: "Okay . . . that's a rope on my arm. And?"

(@ 0:25)

Apache Chief: "Oh, yeah. Time to misplace all my aggression towards the systemic destruction of my culture by white, smallpox-spreading devils!"

(@ 0:27)

Wonder Woman: "Hello? I had him! I had one whole arm all roped up! And stuff! Jerk."

(@ 0:31)

Aquaman: "Oh, what the fuck is this now? Really? Is that how it goes? You just toss giant fucking robots in my house without asking? Hi! Nice to see you too! Pricks. Hey! Inappropriately placed Catfish! Shove this stupid fucking thing at Superman's stupid face. Hard!

Gonna drop a Giant Squid on the Daily Planet building tomorrow, see how you like it . . ."

(@ 0:38)

Superman: "Hmmm. Firm. He must work out. Wait, he's a robot. Never mind. What am I even thinking? God! Get it TOGETHER, Kal-El!"

(@ 0:39)

Kalibak: ". . . WHAT."

Darkseid: "Buh?"

Luthor: "It didn't even kill a Wonder Twin? Or the freakin' monkey? COME ON! I spent a whole week on that thing!"

Brainiac (voiced by John Lithgow): "I blame myself."

(@ 0:40)

Desaad: "I'mma fire LASERS! PEW! PEW PEW! PEW!"

(@ 0:42)

Superman (thought narration): "Okay, keep it together, Clark, don't let the minorities see you sweat - oh, God, that was racist of me to think that, I didn't mean it, it just came out, Oh, Christ, just throw the robot, THROW THE ROBOT!"

El Dorado (thought narration): "Why does Superman never remember that I am a telepath? The crushing burden of being the sole supeheroic role model for Hispanic youths is difficult enough without the racism, both intentional and unintentional, coming from my . . . . I just realized Black Lightning's costume is a girl's one-piece swimsuit with sleeves. And a mask. That is so weird."

Black Lightning (thought narration): "Mmmmm, breezy!"

(@ 0:47-48)

Flash: "SoIknowIjustgotherebutI'mheresoittotallycountshiwhat'sgoingon-"

Batman: "Yeah, shut up. Hey, here I am to save the day and take down the villains all by myself, just like I always do! Man, how awesome am I?"

Robin: "OW! Seriously! My ankle! Not joking! Stop dropping me from the sky, goddamit!"

Batman: "You were supposed to say 'SO Awesome!', Robin. Way to fail, Dick. We'll talk later, I gotta rope up these dudes and get ready for high fives."

(@ 0:50)

Kalibak (thought narration): "I could break free of this rope quite easily but the Sisyphean nature of this ongoing struggle fills me with an soul-deadening ennui. Alas."

Desaad: "Duuuude! You're crushing my Fritos!"

Brainiac (still voiced by John Lithgow): "Rope burns! And chafing! I'm suing the lot of you!"

(@ 0:52-54)

Firestorm: "Guys! You guys! I just- I just realized that I can make a giant bo- water pipe!"

Luthor: "Oh, God. Not like this. Not like this!"

Firestorm: "Who wants the first- whoops! I think I just threw them into Russia. Sorry! My bad."

Brainiac (voiced for the last time by John Lithgow): "Oh, thank you, Baby Steve Jobs!"

Firestorm: "Man, I'm wasted. Shit, is my head on fire? Whoa! What is that about?"

(@ 0:55-0:58)

Darkseid: "Kryptonian. You may have won this day but you and your foolish allies will soon learn the deadly consequences of defying the sovereign ruler of- oh, crap, portal to Russia's closing! Uh- you guys suck! A lot! Bye!

Oh, God, I just said 'Bye!'. I can't believe I just said that."